Subtleties of Law

Becca: It's not illegal unless they press charges.

What do you really think?

Rachel: You are cunning and a Mistress of Evil.
Becca: True, but it has nothing to do with Nano.
Rachel: And everything to do with the very evil nature of your being.

Tell that to the Scots

Rachel: does scotland count as "not england"?
Becca: no

Becca on Love

Becca: Love is overrated. Subservience is all you need.

Lush

Brandon: That's like differentiating between a whore and a slut.
Becca: You would know.
Brandon: Yep, one costs more. But it's all the same.

Words, Words, Words...

Roscoe: Well, Woody Allen is like the black Eddie Murphy.

Anger Management

rob: ugh
rob: want to punch something or go run
becca: don't you have a roommate now?
rob: unfortunately it is midnight and I need to sleep
rob: yes
rob: he is already in bed
becca: even better

Twilight: New Moon Drinking Game

Hester: He's a doctor. He's a vampire doctor.

Jessica: Maybe he's a generational slut.

Jessica: You can go do boy things.
Chris: We're wrestling bears!

Jessica: Why can't she exist without a boy?
Rosco: Because she's a woman.

Jacob takes his shirt off.
Becca: That's worth the price of admissions.
Chris: That makes me wish I had my thing to use on Becca.

Chris: I don't mind that he wants to find something in me.
Rosco: I wish I knew where you hide it.

Chris: Are you a gay werewolf?

Jessica: We had only been dating for a few weeks, and I had never expressed interest in pirates.

Hester: I had a fascinating time with the things
Rosco: I had a great time with the things. The thigns go up and down, depending on how hard you squeeze it.

Chris: Look at the size of those muffins!

Jessica: If a guy messes up my face, he'd better give me a big old muffin.

Hester: He knows it's wrong much more than she does, because he's waiting for her baby!

Chris: A phone wouldn't stop me!

Becca: Because Bella is dead.
Rosco: Who's Bella?

Jessica: True Blood is so much better because there's sex.

Chris: Because, literally, they suck.

Chris: Yeah, suck that, Jacob. Because you can't!

Jessica: I wonder what my vampire ability wqould be. Because clearly we all have one.

Chris: Where's the new moon of the whole thing?
Becca: Jacob. He's the whole symbolism of the movie.
Chris: I didn't see his butt!

Chris: Wow, olympic shaped swimming pool.... that's totally better than our penis shaped swimming pool.

*Roscoe taps the big blue exercise ball*
Jessica: Yeah! Tap that blue ball!
Hester: He will be. For at least the next four days.

Twihard Drinking Game aka "You don't know how you've tortured me.

Becca: I brought clothes for church tomorrow in case I have to drink too much.
Jess: Have to drink too much?
Becca: They're rules! I have to follow the rules.

Doris: So if they have kids, they're kids can't have kids.
Elizabeth: They're like donkeys.
Jess: Wait. Why aren't donkeys extinct.
Doris: Donkeys are donkeys, horses are horses. But mules are different.

Doris: It's kind of what whatever is hosting it wants to force everybody else to read.

Jess: You can either see the movie or you can drive home, but I can't do both.

Becca: Fade away usually mean something that we can't show and keep our rating.
Elizabeth: He ate her.

Edward: You better hold on tight, spider monkey.

Jess: Oh my God, kiss already.
Doris: He moves so very fast.

Meyer: They really enhanced the scene (Muse).
Becca: They would have enhance it if they had actually played baseball.

Elizabeth: to Chris Suck on the fruit.
Jess: What did you just say to my husband?

Becca: I can't find the right buttons.

Elizabeth: They're chocolate and.... heat flavored! (referring to Twilight flavored Sweethearts)

Elizabeth: Movies that make me cry can't be our drinking game movies.
Becca: But it's a screwball comedy!
Elizabeth: Schinlder's List?????

Generational Differences Taboo

Jan: (the card is "Mardi Gras") Oh! With the beads and the boobies!

Jess: You hold your things up with this.
Becca: Belt.
Chris: Bra?

Jessica: (the card is "Ecstasy") Oh, um, really excited...
Alan: Aroused?
Jessica: You're close.
Alan: Orgasm!

Becca: Whale!
Alan: It's like that, but with a male part.
Jess: Sperm whale.

Jan: (The card is "Homer Simpson") Oh, the yellow people! The yellow people on tv!

2009 Annual Holiday Christmas Party

Rob: (on the topic of Twilight) I can be creepy and stalk teenage girls without being a vampire.
Scott: I was thinking the same thing, but didn't say it.

Jessica: I don't like people.

Rob: (talking about people) I'm so confused - what color are they?

Jessica: In some ways, I think you're the girliest one of all. For example, you've read all the Twilight books.

Chris: You can't vote because you're a woman.

Siblings

Becca: Billy, if you're going to strip, you need to do it on a pole.

Robby: Just jump on the table and do it.

Hmmm...

Jess [referring to Tim and Patrick's incessant bickering]: You guys are like brothers!... Or lovers....

Jessica: Paige or Patrick?
Chris: Paige because she's better looking.
Tim: I beg to differ.

Another question for the masses...

Imagine if BECCA were a fashion fad. Which would she be?

1. Popped up shirt collar
2. Leg warmers
3. Zubaz zebra pants
4. Mood rings
5. Ray-Ban sunglasses
6. Toga

(Leave your answer/opinion in the comments!)




Becca: You can't wear zebra pants with a toga!

Ah, friends...

Becca: Come on, I want to be picked!
Chris: That's 'cause no one wants you.
Becca: Yeah, I know... wait, what??

Consider this question posed...

Imagine if TIM accidentally backed over the neighbor's cat in the driveway, what would he do?

1. Bury it and say nothing.
2. Confess
3. Buy a replacement cat and pretend nothing happened
4. Place it on the road and say nothing
5. Blame the neighbor for inadequate cat control
6. Run over it again to make sure it was dead

(Leave your answer/opinion in the comments section!)

Live Quoting

Paige: Sex Rehab!...It helps me relate to my youth.
Tim: TMI.

Mouse!

Tim: fuck. the mouse won.
Tim: but we totally know where its hiding.

You'd get so much writing done

Jenn: You could adopt.
Rachel: What did you say? get a dog?

Jenn: There totally should be talk like a ninja day. everyone would just be silent!

kid in movie: How much do you know about faucets?
Rachel: I know a lot about Fawcetts.

Murderous rage (a nanwrimo write in)

Rachel: Oooh, should I have him kill somebody?
Sarah: The answer is always yes.

Keeping math interesting

Prof: This doesn't require a government grant, or an advanced degree, or even sobriety.

Prof: We should have themed lectures. Like, if we're talking about something hot, everybody wears beach clothes, or something cold, everybody wears parkas. So right now, I'm picturing everybody naked.

It's been too long since we had a good quote

KT: You don't happen to have any papers on mass consumption/consumerism/materialism in todays society do you?
Tim: hmm. nope.
Tim: Is mass consumption ... like eating lots of food?

rule to being British #37: moving must only be described by the word "nightmare"

James (upon the unearthing of our landlord's hideous stuff): It really wasn't awesome manor until you moved in.

Rachel (to Jenn): Do you like it better on bottom?
Rachel (to Jenn): I dunno, can you screw better than me?

Moving guy: That cat is too big.

Some people don't know when to quit.

Things that are soft:
Jessica: Tooshy! No wait, teeth. Teeth? What the hell was I thinking?

Patrick: There's always titties and tooshies in SciFi movies.

Things that in the White House:
Christina: Tramps! later What? I'm just saying, she keeps fit and it's not for him. I mean, he's busy and a woman has needs.

Chris: This is what I remember about my wedding: tequila.

Things found in a dorm room:
Chris: Thermal dynamics book.
Everybody: Nerd!
Paul: How did you ever get laid?
Chris: I got married.

Things found in a scifi movie:
Patrick: Rauncy stuff.
Jessica: What kind of science fiction movies are you watching? pause And where can I find them?

Becca: I think I just poured myself too much Scotch.
Jessica: No such thing.

Hot places:
Christina: My house.
Jessica: But there's no "R" in that.

Paul: I'd like to point out the difference in Chris and Jessica's choices for "things found in a dorm room."
Jessica: Boinkings, titties, rastafarians.
Chris: Book report, thermal dynamics book, reading material.

Are any of us surprised?

Patrick: I'm pretty good at picking up gays.

After seeing the new moon trailer

R: I have paper cuts. Can I get worker's comp for that?
J: No, but watch out for vampires. Coming at you from across the room. In slow motion.

Typical

Rob: I effed up.
Tim: Good work.
Tim: What'd you do?

Adventures in WineLand

While tasting a '97 Cabernet Franc
Rob: It looks like a port. It smells like a port.
Becca: But it doesn't quack like a port.

After I purchased my fifth bottle of wine
Rob:You don't need to take my keys away from me. You need to take my wallet!

While making our way to Tre Anelli my GPS was way off on our location
Becca: Apparently your GPS has had more wine than we have.

As I typed the previous quote into my phone while driving (when nobody was within a mile of me!)
Becca: I'm not sure how I feel about you typing and driving.
Rob: I'm fine ... GPA means GPS.

Million Monkies

“He’s wearing a suit, he’s voldemort.” -- Claire about John,  her boyfriend

“Be gentle, I have no feet, no hands and syphilis.”  – John

“You’re just obsessed with small things!” – Rachel to Claire

“Excuse me, I’m right here!” -- John

Accumulated quotes

[While talking to a third party]
Me: I'm going to the BBQ with my friend Becca.
Tim: When are you finally going to stop calling her just a friend?

[While tasting hefeweizen's at Yardhouse]
Me: I taste a lot of nut.

[Wimbledon commentator this morning]
Commentator: He involved the ball boys and the ball girls in a little bit of a knockup.

Bowling

After I missed all the bowling pins on a throw.
Person I was bowling with: You're supposed to knock down all the pins.
Becca: Oh, is that what I'm trying to do?
I throw the ball and get a spare.

Poker Night

Paige: So why do dogs have to be 6 months old before they're neutered?
Brandon: So they remember the pain.
Patrick: So they're fully developed.
Chris: So they don't grow back.

Patrick: sneeze
Group: Jeez, Patrick.
Jessica: That's like 10% of an orgasm so we should be congratulating him.

Sad fact, this isn't the first time I've done this:

Rob: where the fuck did I leave the hotel key?
Tim: Did you leave it in the door?
Rob: no!
[Opens hotel door, key is still in the door]

Short answer: yes

Edd's dad (to Edd): Is she always this annoying?

Racism

Aubri: Don't worry, we accept you for who you are. Unless you're black.

Rob: I just burped up some cupcake. Yum.

Good Advice

Classmate: You could skip the final and kill his family and still get an A-.
Becca: But I don't want an A-.
Classmate: Then don't kill his family.

Kickball

Jake: Adult kickball is the dumbest thing ever, like an organized Candyland league.

Eurovision

John: This is how Rome conquered the the world
Jenn: Pelvic thrusts?

John: She's sparkly, she's a vampire...
Jenn: That's all it takes now?
John: Edward Cullen after the operation

Claire: They gave 10 to the UK and three to France?
Jenn: To be fair the French song was crap too
Claire: yes but it was crap in French!

Claire, exploding into French: [translation: The French sell weapons to Israel! We don't need to give them Euro vision points too.]

Jenn: It does feel more right with the world when we're losing

Jenn: Victory for Norway?
John: Not too often in world events you can wave that banner

UK contestant: My time, it's my time
BBC News: Well, sadly, it wasn't.

Stellar

Becca: I suppose that would depend on anatomy.
Brandon: If we can trade we can have sex.

It's a conspiracy

"You'd think by now they'd have figured out the complicated #2 pencil technology."

Friendly Advice

Andy: Milk her Timmy.

From class

Becca: We need a super liquid, price inelastic good.
Other: Cigs in prison?

Becca: The welfare state: subsidizing stupidity.

Note: I don't remember why we need that type of good, but we did.

History comes alive

Kaite: 2011 is ages away
Rachel: Yeah, I'll be done with my PhD by then...
Jenn (to Rachel): That's not wood

Kaite: Ok, new rule. No one is coming to my party dressed as a fascist.

Camping

S: [Referring to her boyfriend] He doesn't want to sleep on the couch.
J: But guys like that. Its like camping.

Knife-fighting monkies

Edd: I don't think I could ever stab you.
Rachel: That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.

Rachel: feeling very sluggish today
maybe i have swine flu!...
Edd: Hmmm - that's how I felt yesterday!
I think that was more wine flu though.

Ways around the system

Discussing immigration constraints in economic history class, the professor is from China.

Classmate 1: Are you married, because we could hook you up.
Classmate 2: Well, if they overturn prop 8 you could just marry other economics professor.

Choices

Tim: I'm thirsty and all I have is beer and water.
Tim: Damn.

And then Buffy staked Edward. The End.

Jenn: We've already had this Twilight versus Harry Potter conversation
Couch Surfer 1: There is no conversation. That debate just doesn't exist.
Couch surfer 2: I haven't even read Harry Potter and I agree with you.

For Kaite

Rachel: If I were a lesbian I'd totally go for you!!

Claire: You have to love Satan, you lesbian person. *reactions of astonishment* What? I was joking. I love Satan too.

How to save the economy

Classmate 1: We should have a bake sale.
Classmate 2: With hash brownies.

Economics helps you understand everything

Otis: In general, if you can break the connection between looks good and tastes good, your utility function is going to increase.

Miss Communication

Rachel: I'm trying to ship my cat over from the states
German Couchsurfer: Surely it's cheaper to buy a new car?

Teaching Religiocity to the Heathens

My cousin: So God is a bearded lady?

And then the werewolves open their eyes

Claire: He talks about rape all the time?
Edd: Well yeah but in a comedy way so it's all right

Jenn: If I had a baby I would bite it.

Sex and Violence

Rachel: I was broken and entered by a real estate agent.

Jenn: You spanked me!
Rachel: Yeah, but that was after you beat me.

Spare Quotes

Quotes from the 2009 Annual Burzlaff Wii Bowling Tournament.

Rick: Did you just use Cartesian dualism in a joke?

Patrick: I only do it straight in video games, not in real life.

Paige: Jess has got amazing underarms.
Patrick: They're probably airbrushed.
Jess gives them the death look.

Patrick: Tim, you can't drive my stick. Pause
Patrick: Don't tell Becca I said that.

Paige: What's your favorite position?
Patrick: 7th. It's the longest.

Guitar Hero

Claire: He's really funny but he's always so serious looking, like he wears shirts.

Jenn: I was all wet and naked, so you know, you're nervous.

Mammoth Quotes

Becca: Tim, get me wood for the fire.
Rob: Just to be clear, did I hear what I think I heard?
Lauren: Yes. Becca needs wood.
Becca: I don't get it.

Later.

Tim: Becca has enough wood to last the rest of the night.

Becca: I need bigger wood.

Tim: I haven't been reading much at night. I've been busy.
Becca: Just tell your hand, "No."

Becca: And you didn't send your boy toy?
Lauren: No.
Becca: But Tim wasn't doing anything.

Tim: I'm hot.
Lauren: So take off your sweatshirt.
Karen: And your pants.

Robert: The nuts absorb the alcohol. That's why I'm so bad at it - cause I'm small.

Rob: That's how I know we're related.
Becca: What, you'll take off your pants too?
Rob: No, I'll take off his pants.

Lauren: Milk, it's gentle and effortless.
Becca: I don't need to know about your fetishes.

Tim: I want to show you how easy, soft, and milky it is to milk.

There are quotes from Christmas, but I think I left the paper at Paige and Patrick's apartment.

I'm beginning to doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion

Rachel: I could cover him in sparkly glitter.
Claire: Marshmellow fluff is quite sparkly.

Edward: Say what I am. Say it outloud!
Claire: Stalker!!

Edward *sparkling*: This is what I am.
Seb: Sweaty?

The Quotable Seb

It's not chivalry, it's beer. Some things are more important than gender politics.


I've just made 236 women gay.

Also, pool tables

Seb: It's nice to see a kitchen being used for cooking.

Jenn: As opposed to...

Amy and Rachel *looking at each other*: Sex?

Passports

Amy: The British ones are so stiff.

Christmas cookies!

Rachel: We should put the cookie dough in the fridge.

Claire: Oh right, it says "chill" [on the recipe] and I figured, we're in England...

Please mind the gap between the train and the platform

Rachel: Wow that's a wide gap

Rachel: *trips over the gap*

More political insight from my brother

Robby: Obama has to be the anti-Christ. People like him too much to not be. not sure if this is the exact quote, but you get the idea.

It's a science, damn it!

Becca: The social scientist in me really wants everything to completely collapse so I could watch and see what happens. But that would probably be bad.

Twilight quotes and then some

Jenn directing Claire: Get off the tube and follow the screaming.

Claire: I wouldn't say 'I want to have your babies,' I just want to have sex with you.

Girl in front of us: Are you Mormon?

Us: Oh god no. awkward pause Why, are you?

Rachel: We're nerdier than Amy

Claire: Oh yeah we're dirtier than Amy, what did she say like when we're talking about our sex lives...

Jenn: Where is he (Robert Pattinson)? Can you see him?

Rachel: I don't... Oh wait! No! I see his hair!

Jenn: Acceptance is the first step

Seb: No, having a drink is the first step.

Walking past a Friend's Meeting House on Euston Rd

Rachel: Maybe I should become a Quaker.

Jenn: Oh, I wouldn't like to be in control of so many lives.

Rachel: Whaaa...

Jenn: Plus the whole suicide thing would freak me out.

Rachel: WHAT???

Jenn: Remember we were talking about people jumping in front of trains?

Rachel: What... does that have to do with Quakers?

Jenn: Oh, I thought you said tube driver.

Rachel: It's only when I started to ship them in my head. pause I am my own fandom.

Rachel: throwing houses on the monopoly board What? I don't have a degree in urban design.

Seb: Nothing is completely evil. Even the Wehrmacht made good cars.

Kaite: I'm very gay but I'm attracted to guys like David Tennant. If he asks very nicely, I would have sex with him. pause I'm David Tennant-sexual.

Claire: If you google Claire you'll find chocolate wrappers.

Nick: Dairy. Dairy is good.

Amy [?]: But it's so broad.

Nick: And Christianity isn't?

Seb: Notch, notch, notch

Rachel: Was she counting her conquests on your knife?

Seb: It's not long enough.

Best out of context:

Anonymous: well.. starbucks would be good cause its cold outside
Anonymous: but im down for anything. i'd invite her here... but pretty much my room is the only place i would want her

Family Conversations

Robby (my brother): You're not a baby killer like my mom is, are you?

Puff paint. yes. really.

Rachel: You should suck on it

Claire: But I wanted to blow it

Rachel: i am having a super nerd day tomorrow
Becca: you're not a nerd
Rachel: did i tell you we are going to a recording of mugglecast
Becca: how fun! i take it back

If there was any doubt about our nerd status...

Claire: So it's like... I want to give up my life and my soul so I don't get older than Robert Pattinson?

Rachel: Actually, it's Edward Cullen, but yeah.

Claire: It makes more sense if it's Robert Pattinson.

Seb *explaining why he can't write sex scenes*: Also, my main characters are 15.

Rachel: You could have flash forward into the future sex...?

Claire: Like the epilogue in Harry Potter? But with sex?

Claire: This is so awesome! Thanks for putting the idea in my head

Rachel: What idea?

Claire: Nano. [pause] Also, Julia Quinn.

Kaite *on the phone*: Speaking of sex, I'm in the middle of writing of threesome.

Claire: That was like the third time I'd seen him and he was like CRAZY, like maybe he was Stefanie Meyers' dad...

Claire: You should say it's the guy who blesses people on the Victoria line, because I'm sure people know him.

Claire: Do you know wizard rock?

Kaite: *shakes head*

Claire [business-like] oh, okay, we need to do that.

Seb: Why is it quarter to eight already?

Kaite: Jesus!

Seb: Naw, I don't think he did it.

Seb: I can't remember from our discussion last year. Is it cheating if your character has the same dream twice?

Rachel: No! Come on. Haven't you read Order of The Phoenix?

Jenn: She's pregnant, so she had to at least have dabbled...

Rachel: Well, her husband was abusive....

Jenn: Okay, dabbled or raped, those are the options.

Quote round up (nanowrimo love scene edition)

Rachel: What did we ever do before the internet?

Seb: I'll ask Google.

Claire (to Nimbus): If you want hurt someone just write a novel. You can kill undergraduates. 

Seb (on the quick quotes quill): That would be awesome. "And then stuff happens." Fifteen minutes later you'd have Twilight.

Jenn: So you were planning social entrapment on JK Rowling?

Amy: ... Basically yes.

Claire: I forcered her awake by being awake

Jenn: She forced me awake by talking incessantly

Claire: That's what I call being awake

Jenn: She had sex last year.

Rachel: Well, I kind of lied.

Seb: Did you lie up or did you lie down?

Rachel: I lied down.... hey....

Claire *excitedly*: I learned how to conjugate the verb 'thrust'!

Claire: Now I wish I hadn't sent you the sex scene.

Rachel: *reading the aforementioned sex scene*: "Complete this scene?"

Claire: Well yeah it needs to be finished, you know

Everyone else: *bursts into laughter*

James: What kind of sex are you having that lasts 4,000 words? And where can I get it?

Claire: Someone said you were a bad influence.

Rachel: What?!

Jenn: No one said that. She doesn't understand English very well.

Rachel: I've got an epilogue and a sexilogue.

Jenn: Have you written your climax scene then?

Whiskey

Rachel: I drank this much Scotch gesturing on camera . And it wasn't even watered down with whiskey.

Webcam

Becca: Am I off the speed dial now?
Rachel: Yes. You're no longer going to be a bridemaid.
Becca: What else can I do to solidify that?
Jenn: We need to write that down!

Power Share

Rachel: I feel like we should be putting condoms on our power cords.

Claire: If you're implying that you're going to make little baby computers, I want one.

Amy: I can't have nutella. No, not for the same reasons. I just... quit.

Amy: Okay, just one.

Claire: Do you know the Dr from ER? I'm not sure he's Serbian but he's really cute!

Claire: Yeahhhh Sometimes discipline means no life.

And an old one:

Becca: I'm just saying that I view relationships--

Rachel: As being taken by aliens?

Becca: ...differently than you.

You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to kill that many people

We were discussing ways to kill people (in a game setting).
Jason: I know, you're sick.
Becca: No, just creative.

The results are in

Random American: Where are you from?

Seb: Brighton. The only state that can't vote.

American: Ah, the US of K.

Jenn: Who pours liquid in a cup?

Seb: What was I doing?

Rachel: Defriending all your friends who voted for prop 8?

Seb: I don't have any of those

Rachel: Neither do I. They're all family.

Seb:Easier to get rid of then.

Fire!

Tim: so a teammate of mine from san diego was a pinata for halloween
Tim: ... and caught himself on fire
Tim: i dont know the whole story, but there were candles
Tim: and him wrapped in paper
Tim: and fire

Dinner music

George (my uncle): Clint, why did you think it was a good idea to cue up F*$& the Police for dinner music?
Clint: I didn't play it!

Some more

Claire (as Rita Skeeter): So what magazines do you read?

Rachel (as Sarah Palin): Oh you know, all of 'em.

Rachel: Are you sleeping?

Jenn (lying on the floor in the middle of the hallway): No.

Rachel: Are you meditating?

Jenn: No.

Rachel: Are you studying the ceiling?

Jenn: No. I'm trying to decide what special powers the stone will have.

Claire: We could host a write in at our place
Rachel: potluck dinner
Claire: potluck? What smoking lucky pot?

Taboo and novel-writing

Jenn: It's a very stereotypical thing that [French people] wear on their heads.

Lefke: A baguette? 

Jenn: Where does the wine come from?

Claire: A graveyard?

Jenn: Rachel is this by virue of having no... guardians

Lefke: An orphan?

Seb: What's wrong with Harry Potter?

Rachel: [word: saddle shoes] After sneaker I was like 'fuck that shit' and I moved on

Lefke [word: surgery]: You might not live through it

Jenn: Death

Lefke: [word: toothfairy] It collects your bodily parts.

Jenn: [word: stubble] George Clooney has this on his lower region & under his mouth 

Claire: Gorgeousness.

Lefke: [two hours after playing Taboo] I don't even know what Taboo is.

Rachel: Well, they might have sex, just not on screen.

Seb: If it doesn't happen on screen it doesn't happen, no matter what Harry and Ginny shippers say.

Well they should be.

Becca: There should be a yearly tax for being a moron.

And this one needs a picture to go with it.



Natalie Miller: Points to the little candle holders We can use these as shot glasses! pause I'm the f*#%ing Martha Stewart of alcoholism!

Becca: She has a rather imaginative imagination

Rachel: You would have been the only one

Sue: Not dating Rob?

Tim: Well, Chris has, and Lauren has, so yeah.

Tim: I had a party once when they were coming home later that night.

Rachel: What made you think that was a good idea?

Tim: Well it wasn't so much a party as me and Katie getting drunk.

Tim: No, I'm not stupid. I know how to play beer pong with hard liquor, trust me. 

[deleted]

Tim: Why do you have to put that on there? That's private Tim information.

Becca: This is me being allowed to be kind of evil. I don't need to be drunk to do that.

Tim: I don't know, do you like, pet a baby or what? I'm allergic to babies.

Becca: I'm not ticklish
Rachel: I'm not tickling you, I'm poking you
Becca: I'm not pokalish

drinking game

Rachel: Wait, really?
Becca: Yes, I have to prepare for tomorrow
Rachel: So being hungover will help?
Becca: it can't hurt!

Save me google!

Rob: Effing useless internet!
Becca: not finding you a stripper?
Rob: Actually, I'm trying to find a Benjamin Franklin impersonator.
Becca: not even gonna go there - too easy

Say it ain't so, Joe

Seb: Think of it this way. It sounds cliché to you but he'd probably never heard it before.

Claire [French girl]: I want to get some woolen thighs like they have here. [She means tights.]

Rachel: The fundamentals of the American economy are strong.
Seb: Yeah, they're also drunk.

Claire: Guys, I'm making stuff to throw at the TV if you want to help yourself...

Seb: I've just had a scary thought. If we get drunk enough, will she [Palin] start to make sense?

Claire: It's so much easier to drink in English. I just feel Englishish.

Rachel: In what country is that the size of a shot?
Amy: Texas?

Lefke: Are you writing down quotes? Can I see?
Rachel: No, they're beer-soaked.

Claire: Who is she winking at? Is she having an affair with the camera man?

Amy: You know, the first time I was drunk I found it very helpful to throw animal crackers at people.

Semper ubi...

Rob: I've been running a lot, so I'm quite happy to stand there in my chones.

I've got nothing to hide.

Couchsurfers = nerds

Jenn: Did you want the wedding ring instead of the pearl earrings? Because I would think that the earrings are more wearable.

Amy: Can we watch Land Before Time clips on youtube?

Claire: He's a magical toad. Why does Wormtail get to live and Trevor the Toad has to die?
Rachel: Because Wormtail is an actual person and...
Claire: Wormtail's not a person, he's a... jerk.

It's time to ask some hard questions about our relationships with animals

Colleague: Spider genitals could be sexy to some...

Jenn: Maybe you taste bad to lions if you're a Jehovah's Witness

Return to London

Jenn: Hey maybe we'll get drunk at the Obama thing.

Jenn: Do you know what a funnel cake is?
Rachel: YES!
Jenn: Not you. I was asking the UK people.
UK people: *shake heads*

Jenn: A Renaissance faire is like America's version of England.
Seb: Yeah we call it a street.

Reason #573 why we are better than Bella Swan

Rebecca: she did put her foot down about one thing!
Rachel: what having sex before becoming a vampire?
Rebecca: yep
Rebecca: that would totally be the top thing on my lists of things to do before becoming a vampire
Rachel: ...
Rebecca: (i was being sarcastic)

Rachel: so when you come to visit again you'll be staying in our emo teen vampire brothel
Rebecca: well at least i'll get one to do off my list
although
i've been accused of being a vampire, so maybe it's too late
Rachel: why would that make it too late? have you been hanging out in emo teen brothels?
Rebecca: um, apparently there was a misunderstanding

A night with AFI

These quotes happened as Chris and I watched AFI's newest list in June, and Jessica watched on with amazement. Yes, they're old.

Chris: Westerns are like jazz.

Jessica: I need something to go with Jack.
Chris: How about ice?

Skype

Rachel: You said, 'Dot, dot, dot.'

Rachel: I can't do things that involve things.

Rachel: No, you know what I mean. I can't do athletic things that involve athleticy things.

Rachel: You have to smooth corners to be a diplomat. It's glossing over the whole 'we bombed your country 10 years ago.'

na Exitu

rachel: how old do you think he is?
jessie: married.

random group of drunk english: *singing* we love you serbia! we do!
seb & rachel: *run away laughing*
seb: I think I want to change my nationality
rachel: I just had a flashback to 1915...

flyer guy: do you want to study in London?
seb: I live in London
flyer girl: I could have told you he was English

and more along the same lines...

It's a new game!

Tim: All I heard is, 'Are you a contributer to the groping.' Yes, but...

Paige: If I were masturbating, pretty much the freakiest thing I can think of is a bunch of my girlfriends around me cheering me on to get off.

Carly: I don't know what that means. Oh yes I do. It's all in the name.

Paige: It's like back rubs.

Paige: We're going to look at porn together.

Tim: Yeah! Sex!

Jessica: I think taking a picture of yourself in a dress and charging people to see it is a little like pornography.

Becca: I mean, how often do two of your best friends get married? Not that often.... well twice, I guess.

Rob: Oh, that's easy. You just sleep with her, then make a copy of the key in the morning while she's still asleep.

Jessica: (in a text message) And you didn't even need to sleep with me to get our key.

There's one more, but I honestly think that it's a little too adult content to put here, and it's not just because I don't want to type it. Plus, the speaker doesn't want his/her name attached to the quote, and I don't think that's allowed.

It's now the perma-party

Tony: Do it with your brother's fiance.

Tony: Who wants to jump in the wiener?

Patrick: Where's Tony? Is he in the wiener pool?

Patrick: What, it's not that bad. It probably came out of my mouth and I just put it back in.

Liz: What was the result of the taste test?
Patrick: Something Dorito-y.

You Are What You Eat

Jessica (referring to someone's Chipotle meal): It looked and smelled amazing! Actually, it looked like poop and smelled like fart.

Interesting Aroma

Jessica: That's like kicking with the hand.

Chris: I think Jessica smelled some Muggles in the bathroom.

Chris: Your slate is wiped clean.
Jessica: I'm a slave to white plains?

I'm not going to say that watching Reefer Madness had anything to do with these quotes, but...