I'm a bad influence

Becca Jennings: stop making me question my life decisions!

Typical

Rob: I effed up.
Tim: Good work.
Tim: What'd you do?

Accumulated quotes

[While talking to a third party]
Me: I'm going to the BBQ with my friend Becca.
Tim: When are you finally going to stop calling her just a friend?

[While tasting hefeweizen's at Yardhouse]
Me: I taste a lot of nut.

[Wimbledon commentator this morning]
Commentator: He involved the ball boys and the ball girls in a little bit of a knockup.

Sad fact, this isn't the first time I've done this:

Rob: where the fuck did I leave the hotel key?
Tim: Did you leave it in the door?
Rob: no!
[Opens hotel door, key is still in the door]

Mammoth Quotes

Becca: Tim, get me wood for the fire.
Rob: Just to be clear, did I hear what I think I heard?
Lauren: Yes. Becca needs wood.
Becca: I don't get it.

Later.

Tim: Becca has enough wood to last the rest of the night.

Becca: I need bigger wood.

Tim: I haven't been reading much at night. I've been busy.
Becca: Just tell your hand, "No."

Becca: And you didn't send your boy toy?
Lauren: No.
Becca: But Tim wasn't doing anything.

Tim: I'm hot.
Lauren: So take off your sweatshirt.
Karen: And your pants.

Robert: The nuts absorb the alcohol. That's why I'm so bad at it - cause I'm small.

Rob: That's how I know we're related.
Becca: What, you'll take off your pants too?
Rob: No, I'll take off his pants.

Lauren: Milk, it's gentle and effortless.
Becca: I don't need to know about your fetishes.

Tim: I want to show you how easy, soft, and milky it is to milk.

There are quotes from Christmas, but I think I left the paper at Paige and Patrick's apartment.

Save me google!

Rob: Effing useless internet!
Becca: not finding you a stripper?
Rob: Actually, I'm trying to find a Benjamin Franklin impersonator.
Becca: not even gonna go there - too easy

Semper ubi...

Rob: I've been running a lot, so I'm quite happy to stand there in my chones.

I've got nothing to hide.

It's a new game!

Tim: All I heard is, 'Are you a contributer to the groping.' Yes, but...

Paige: If I were masturbating, pretty much the freakiest thing I can think of is a bunch of my girlfriends around me cheering me on to get off.

Carly: I don't know what that means. Oh yes I do. It's all in the name.

Paige: It's like back rubs.

Paige: We're going to look at porn together.

Tim: Yeah! Sex!

Jessica: I think taking a picture of yourself in a dress and charging people to see it is a little like pornography.

Becca: I mean, how often do two of your best friends get married? Not that often.... well twice, I guess.

Rob: Oh, that's easy. You just sleep with her, then make a copy of the key in the morning while she's still asleep.

Jessica: (in a text message) And you didn't even need to sleep with me to get our key.

There's one more, but I honestly think that it's a little too adult content to put here, and it's not just because I don't want to type it. Plus, the speaker doesn't want his/her name attached to the quote, and I don't think that's allowed.

Keepin it Alive

Rob: I'm genuinely worried my brother might do something stupid.
Becca: What's he up to?
Rob: Honestly I don't know the answer to that question, but I think alcohol might somehow be a catalyst. He shared a few words with me, and by "words" I mean it was like reading one of those e-mail forwards about words with jumbled letters yet you can still understand them.
Becca: I doubt he can get into too much trouble, no matter how much liquor is involved.
Rob: You underestimate the power of Tim. One can never truly estimate his capacity for ingenuity and stupidity.

Rob: It's the Lazynberg Uncertainty Principle. You won't know until you actually try to do something. You cannot be simultaneously lazy and non-lazy.
Becca: I can too. I'm the kitty in the box.
Rob: Then what is the litter a metaphor for?
Becca: Not that box.

Becca: Getting pissy is the prerogative of a girlfriend - I thought you would have learned this by now. long break in the conversation Obviously this information has rendered you typeless. I'm sorry to have to be the one to break it to you.

Becca: Do you think it would be wrong to have Newcastle with breakfast tomorrow?
Rob: Depends, if you pour it in your cereal, I think that's acceptable.

Rob: Number of ideas shot down by Becca: 458,346,789.364
Number of ideas not shot down by Becca: 4.
Becca: I missed 4?

Three in a row...

Becca:Sorry - two nights in a row is all I'm good for

---

Becca:I wouldn't want to keep you from yourself
Rob:It's just me, without a shirt on and using a measuring tape
Rob:What's the big deal?

Late night confessions

Cleaned up from an IM conversation.

Rob: This is bad. I'm like you and now I hate myself.
Becca: So you think I hate myself, or you hate me?
Rob: I hate me for being like you.
Becca: And therefore you hate anyone like me, me included.
Rob: Nah. You being you is fine. It's me being you that I hate.

FOIL

Rob:My brain hears the word foil and works through the following checklist: Literary term, algebra, and lastly, kitchen-ware.
Becca:yep
Becca:same with me
Becca:i have to think that's abnormal

Red, White, and Booze

Chris: What's my prize?
Robert: I'll give you a cookie. There's some inside.
Jessica: Did you say "cookie" or "quickie?"

Becca: referring to Chris So you just never listen to him.
Jessica: That's why out relationship has lasted so long.

Chris: It's a metric clock!

Jessica: I have germs. Cooties. I don't know.

Why would you want to what, Tim?

Sorry to put these up so late. They were buried at the bottom of my suitcase. :)

Becca: My life is stupid, my card is American Express.

Jessica: (to Chris) Girlfriend! You have to pick my card!
Robert: Jessica, (points to himself) boyfriend!

Tim (?): Yeah, Chris has a sexy tractor.

Rachel: Cornflakes! They were invented to prevent masturbation.
Tim: (horrified) Why would you want to...?

Le weekend

Rachel: What is that (spanish name of street)?
Becca: I'm sure it's a tree but I'm not sure.

Rob: Becca has a no touching policy.
Becca: Yes, it's very strict.
Rob: She can only be touched in certain places.

There are probably more I forgot and at least one I am not allowed to put up.