DEWM Party

Finally found them.

Brian: I've never been romantically attracted to a guy, but I consider myself bi-approachable.

Brian: My body by itself is very smooth.

Lauren: Tim, we have to stick together at the wedding.
Tim: What wedding?

Chris: Tim want tequila. Give him apple juice.
Jessica: We don't have any.
Chris: I'll go make some.
Becca: As long as it burns on the way down.

Law & Order: Bakersfield

Jessica: Would you ever hire anyone to rape and kill me?
Chris: You know how I feel about outsourcing.

ring in the new

Rachel: I hope it's good, I picked it out.
Jessica: Which one is it, Ravenclaw?
Rachel:... Ravenwood.

Tim: So if the parachute doesn't open, that's emotional, right?

Rachel: She got a boyfriend.
Tim: Him [Patrick]?

Becca: Caress it like a lover.

Becca: Tim's used to being single.

Becca: Did you shoot your... cooch?

Jess: People don't give penises clothes (12:30 am)

Jess: I think I shot baby Jesus.

Jess: I can't help that I'm naturally sexy.

Chris (?): And there's only one stop light between beer and my house.

More Quotes from Taboo

Becca : Hey, if you can’t make fun of Jesus, who can you make fun of?

Carly : This is on the upper part of the thing that your nose is on.
Chris: Eyes. Brow. (Pause) Eyebrow!

Carly: We all live on a yellow…fuck me!

Carly: This is a dent on your visage... It’s adorable damnit! It was dimple, by the way...

Gaming... not the nerdy kind

While playing Taboo...
Becca: I did this at summer camp for a few summers...
Chris: Slept around?
Becca: It was my job!


Chris: Blank me Elmo!
Matt: Tickle was, like, the fourth or fifth thing I thought of...


While discussing Taboo...
Matt: Now, what exactly are the properties of the Magic Asshole?
Becca: It's impenetrable from attack!
Chris: Attack from where?
Matt: Behind!

More to come...

Quizzing the night away

Jayne: You guys could order a pizza.
Carly: excitedly We have a coupon!

Becca: As much as I would love to hear more about Jessica's exploits in the bathroom...

Natalie Martin: Why would I be a flotation device?
Becca: Because you're supportive and crap.
Carly: And buoyant!

Chris: to Becca You are such uniqueness.

Red, White, and Booze

Chris: What's my prize?
Robert: I'll give you a cookie. There's some inside.
Jessica: Did you say "cookie" or "quickie?"

Becca: referring to Chris So you just never listen to him.
Jessica: That's why out relationship has lasted so long.

Chris: It's a metric clock!

Jessica: I have germs. Cooties. I don't know.

Who else can we offend?

Jessica: Are you comparing our Lord and Saviour to Smokey the Bear?
Chris: Only in crack visions.

Maya Angelou: Element 56 on the Periodical Table

Rachel: Ether? Isn't that an element on the periodical table?
(Later)
Jessica: Is that where they keep the magazines?
Chris: I think my dentist's office has a periodical table.

(At Fishlips)
Band Member: We're going to do some real poetry here tonight.
Random Heckler: Read some Maya Angelou you motherfucker!

On the topic of women

Becca: It's because we're smarter.
Chris: No, we're just stupid.

Another day in L.A.

Chris: If anything is wrong when I'm around, it's Becca's fault.

Chris: *pointing to elderly dancing couple* Aww! That's going to be us when we're seventy!
Jess: Except we won't be Asian.

Waitress at Fred 62s: Did y'alls balls come and go?

Parental Guidance Recommended

From The Grapes of Wrath

Chris: It's fun making fun of old people....
Becca: And old movies.
Chris: It's funny because they're dead now.

Chris: Are they taking bets to see who dies next?
Becca: It's like The Oregon Trail (the computer game).

From Schindler's List

Chris: Seeing how they turning everything into musicals these days, they should make Schindler's List: The Musical. Part Fiddler on the Roof, part.... I don't know, Singing in the Rain or something.
Becca: The Sound of Music.
Chris: Yeah!

Chris: Email! (In the name of Oskar's factory).
Becca: Al Gore and Oskar Schindler worked hand in hand.

Chris: I can imagine the casting call. "We need anorexic women...
Becca: Who don't mind being naked and getting pushed around. Where can we go?"
Chris: That's every girl in Hollywood.

Chris: Note to self: If you're going to save thousands of lives...
Becca: Make sure the paperwork is in order.

Chris: I told Jessica we were watching this, and she said we're going to hell.
(I'm not going to put my response to this).

Becca: Yeah, there's going to be a special circle just for us.

Gay or European?

Chris: You know what I used as my final argument for why men are better than women?
Jessica: What?
Chris: Cary Grant.
Jessica: He was gay!
Chris: No he wasn't, he was just British!

*In my defense, I know Cary Grant was not gay, and I never thought he was (not that there is anything wrong with that). I was just trying to annoy Chris.*