It's a new game!

Tim: All I heard is, 'Are you a contributer to the groping.' Yes, but...

Paige: If I were masturbating, pretty much the freakiest thing I can think of is a bunch of my girlfriends around me cheering me on to get off.

Carly: I don't know what that means. Oh yes I do. It's all in the name.

Paige: It's like back rubs.

Paige: We're going to look at porn together.

Tim: Yeah! Sex!

Jessica: I think taking a picture of yourself in a dress and charging people to see it is a little like pornography.

Becca: I mean, how often do two of your best friends get married? Not that often.... well twice, I guess.

Rob: Oh, that's easy. You just sleep with her, then make a copy of the key in the morning while she's still asleep.

Jessica: (in a text message) And you didn't even need to sleep with me to get our key.

There's one more, but I honestly think that it's a little too adult content to put here, and it's not just because I don't want to type it. Plus, the speaker doesn't want his/her name attached to the quote, and I don't think that's allowed.

DEWM Party

Finally found them.

Brian: I've never been romantically attracted to a guy, but I consider myself bi-approachable.

Brian: My body by itself is very smooth.

Lauren: Tim, we have to stick together at the wedding.
Tim: What wedding?

Chris: Tim want tequila. Give him apple juice.
Jessica: We don't have any.
Chris: I'll go make some.
Becca: As long as it burns on the way down.

Law & Order: Bakersfield

Jessica: Would you ever hire anyone to rape and kill me?
Chris: You know how I feel about outsourcing.

ring in the new

Rachel: I hope it's good, I picked it out.
Jessica: Which one is it, Ravenclaw?
Rachel:... Ravenwood.

Tim: So if the parachute doesn't open, that's emotional, right?

Rachel: She got a boyfriend.
Tim: Him [Patrick]?

Becca: Caress it like a lover.

Becca: Tim's used to being single.

Becca: Did you shoot your... cooch?

Jess: People don't give penises clothes (12:30 am)

Jess: I think I shot baby Jesus.

Jess: I can't help that I'm naturally sexy.

Chris (?): And there's only one stop light between beer and my house.

Quizzing the night away

Jayne: You guys could order a pizza.
Carly: excitedly We have a coupon!

Becca: As much as I would love to hear more about Jessica's exploits in the bathroom...

Natalie Martin: Why would I be a flotation device?
Becca: Because you're supportive and crap.
Carly: And buoyant!

Chris: to Becca You are such uniqueness.

Red, White, and Booze

Chris: What's my prize?
Robert: I'll give you a cookie. There's some inside.
Jessica: Did you say "cookie" or "quickie?"

Becca: referring to Chris So you just never listen to him.
Jessica: That's why out relationship has lasted so long.

Chris: It's a metric clock!

Jessica: I have germs. Cooties. I don't know.

Who else can we offend?

Jessica: Are you comparing our Lord and Saviour to Smokey the Bear?
Chris: Only in crack visions.

Maya Angelou: Element 56 on the Periodical Table

Rachel: Ether? Isn't that an element on the periodical table?
(Later)
Jessica: Is that where they keep the magazines?
Chris: I think my dentist's office has a periodical table.

(At Fishlips)
Band Member: We're going to do some real poetry here tonight.
Random Heckler: Read some Maya Angelou you motherfucker!

Another day in L.A.

Chris: If anything is wrong when I'm around, it's Becca's fault.

Chris: *pointing to elderly dancing couple* Aww! That's going to be us when we're seventy!
Jess: Except we won't be Asian.

Waitress at Fred 62s: Did y'alls balls come and go?

Gay or European?

Chris: You know what I used as my final argument for why men are better than women?
Jessica: What?
Chris: Cary Grant.
Jessica: He was gay!
Chris: No he wasn't, he was just British!

*In my defense, I know Cary Grant was not gay, and I never thought he was (not that there is anything wrong with that). I was just trying to annoy Chris.*

Why would you want to what, Tim?

Sorry to put these up so late. They were buried at the bottom of my suitcase. :)

Becca: My life is stupid, my card is American Express.

Jessica: (to Chris) Girlfriend! You have to pick my card!
Robert: Jessica, (points to himself) boyfriend!

Tim (?): Yeah, Chris has a sexy tractor.

Rachel: Cornflakes! They were invented to prevent masturbation.
Tim: (horrified) Why would you want to...?

The Asian Persuasion

Rachel: Who does good on standardized testing? If you do, you must be Asian! ....Or half Asian.
-later-

Rachel: Thank God I'm not stupid!

(While watching the Food Network)
Jessica: I've never seen so many Asian men cry.