Family Conversations

Robby (my brother): You're not a baby killer like my mom is, are you?

Puff paint. yes. really.

Rachel: You should suck on it

Claire: But I wanted to blow it

Rachel: i am having a super nerd day tomorrow
Becca: you're not a nerd
Rachel: did i tell you we are going to a recording of mugglecast
Becca: how fun! i take it back

If there was any doubt about our nerd status...

Claire: So it's like... I want to give up my life and my soul so I don't get older than Robert Pattinson?

Rachel: Actually, it's Edward Cullen, but yeah.

Claire: It makes more sense if it's Robert Pattinson.

Seb *explaining why he can't write sex scenes*: Also, my main characters are 15.

Rachel: You could have flash forward into the future sex...?

Claire: Like the epilogue in Harry Potter? But with sex?

Claire: This is so awesome! Thanks for putting the idea in my head

Rachel: What idea?

Claire: Nano. [pause] Also, Julia Quinn.

Kaite *on the phone*: Speaking of sex, I'm in the middle of writing of threesome.

Claire: That was like the third time I'd seen him and he was like CRAZY, like maybe he was Stefanie Meyers' dad...

Claire: You should say it's the guy who blesses people on the Victoria line, because I'm sure people know him.

Claire: Do you know wizard rock?

Kaite: *shakes head*

Claire [business-like] oh, okay, we need to do that.

Seb: Why is it quarter to eight already?

Kaite: Jesus!

Seb: Naw, I don't think he did it.

Seb: I can't remember from our discussion last year. Is it cheating if your character has the same dream twice?

Rachel: No! Come on. Haven't you read Order of The Phoenix?

Jenn: She's pregnant, so she had to at least have dabbled...

Rachel: Well, her husband was abusive....

Jenn: Okay, dabbled or raped, those are the options.

Quote round up (nanowrimo love scene edition)

Rachel: What did we ever do before the internet?

Seb: I'll ask Google.

Claire (to Nimbus): If you want hurt someone just write a novel. You can kill undergraduates. 

Seb (on the quick quotes quill): That would be awesome. "And then stuff happens." Fifteen minutes later you'd have Twilight.

Jenn: So you were planning social entrapment on JK Rowling?

Amy: ... Basically yes.

Claire: I forcered her awake by being awake

Jenn: She forced me awake by talking incessantly

Claire: That's what I call being awake

Jenn: She had sex last year.

Rachel: Well, I kind of lied.

Seb: Did you lie up or did you lie down?

Rachel: I lied down.... hey....

Claire *excitedly*: I learned how to conjugate the verb 'thrust'!

Claire: Now I wish I hadn't sent you the sex scene.

Rachel: *reading the aforementioned sex scene*: "Complete this scene?"

Claire: Well yeah it needs to be finished, you know

Everyone else: *bursts into laughter*

James: What kind of sex are you having that lasts 4,000 words? And where can I get it?

Claire: Someone said you were a bad influence.

Rachel: What?!

Jenn: No one said that. She doesn't understand English very well.

Rachel: I've got an epilogue and a sexilogue.

Jenn: Have you written your climax scene then?

Whiskey

Rachel: I drank this much Scotch gesturing on camera . And it wasn't even watered down with whiskey.

Webcam

Becca: Am I off the speed dial now?
Rachel: Yes. You're no longer going to be a bridemaid.
Becca: What else can I do to solidify that?
Jenn: We need to write that down!

Power Share

Rachel: I feel like we should be putting condoms on our power cords.

Claire: If you're implying that you're going to make little baby computers, I want one.

Amy: I can't have nutella. No, not for the same reasons. I just... quit.

Amy: Okay, just one.

Claire: Do you know the Dr from ER? I'm not sure he's Serbian but he's really cute!

Claire: Yeahhhh Sometimes discipline means no life.

And an old one:

Becca: I'm just saying that I view relationships--

Rachel: As being taken by aliens?

Becca: ...differently than you.

You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to kill that many people

We were discussing ways to kill people (in a game setting).
Jason: I know, you're sick.
Becca: No, just creative.

The results are in

Random American: Where are you from?

Seb: Brighton. The only state that can't vote.

American: Ah, the US of K.

Jenn: Who pours liquid in a cup?

Seb: What was I doing?

Rachel: Defriending all your friends who voted for prop 8?

Seb: I don't have any of those

Rachel: Neither do I. They're all family.

Seb:Easier to get rid of then.

Fire!

Tim: so a teammate of mine from san diego was a pinata for halloween
Tim: ... and caught himself on fire
Tim: i dont know the whole story, but there were candles
Tim: and him wrapped in paper
Tim: and fire

Dinner music

George (my uncle): Clint, why did you think it was a good idea to cue up F*$& the Police for dinner music?
Clint: I didn't play it!

Some more

Claire (as Rita Skeeter): So what magazines do you read?

Rachel (as Sarah Palin): Oh you know, all of 'em.

Rachel: Are you sleeping?

Jenn (lying on the floor in the middle of the hallway): No.

Rachel: Are you meditating?

Jenn: No.

Rachel: Are you studying the ceiling?

Jenn: No. I'm trying to decide what special powers the stone will have.

Claire: We could host a write in at our place
Rachel: potluck dinner
Claire: potluck? What smoking lucky pot?

Taboo and novel-writing

Jenn: It's a very stereotypical thing that [French people] wear on their heads.

Lefke: A baguette? 

Jenn: Where does the wine come from?

Claire: A graveyard?

Jenn: Rachel is this by virue of having no... guardians

Lefke: An orphan?

Seb: What's wrong with Harry Potter?

Rachel: [word: saddle shoes] After sneaker I was like 'fuck that shit' and I moved on

Lefke [word: surgery]: You might not live through it

Jenn: Death

Lefke: [word: toothfairy] It collects your bodily parts.

Jenn: [word: stubble] George Clooney has this on his lower region & under his mouth 

Claire: Gorgeousness.

Lefke: [two hours after playing Taboo] I don't even know what Taboo is.

Rachel: Well, they might have sex, just not on screen.

Seb: If it doesn't happen on screen it doesn't happen, no matter what Harry and Ginny shippers say.

Well they should be.

Becca: There should be a yearly tax for being a moron.

And this one needs a picture to go with it.



Natalie Miller: Points to the little candle holders We can use these as shot glasses! pause I'm the f*#%ing Martha Stewart of alcoholism!

Becca: She has a rather imaginative imagination

Rachel: You would have been the only one

Sue: Not dating Rob?

Tim: Well, Chris has, and Lauren has, so yeah.

Tim: I had a party once when they were coming home later that night.

Rachel: What made you think that was a good idea?

Tim: Well it wasn't so much a party as me and Katie getting drunk.

Tim: No, I'm not stupid. I know how to play beer pong with hard liquor, trust me. 

[deleted]

Tim: Why do you have to put that on there? That's private Tim information.

Becca: This is me being allowed to be kind of evil. I don't need to be drunk to do that.

Tim: I don't know, do you like, pet a baby or what? I'm allergic to babies.

Becca: I'm not ticklish
Rachel: I'm not tickling you, I'm poking you
Becca: I'm not pokalish

drinking game

Rachel: Wait, really?
Becca: Yes, I have to prepare for tomorrow
Rachel: So being hungover will help?
Becca: it can't hurt!

Save me google!

Rob: Effing useless internet!
Becca: not finding you a stripper?
Rob: Actually, I'm trying to find a Benjamin Franklin impersonator.
Becca: not even gonna go there - too easy

Say it ain't so, Joe

Seb: Think of it this way. It sounds cliché to you but he'd probably never heard it before.

Claire [French girl]: I want to get some woolen thighs like they have here. [She means tights.]

Rachel: The fundamentals of the American economy are strong.
Seb: Yeah, they're also drunk.

Claire: Guys, I'm making stuff to throw at the TV if you want to help yourself...

Seb: I've just had a scary thought. If we get drunk enough, will she [Palin] start to make sense?

Claire: It's so much easier to drink in English. I just feel Englishish.

Rachel: In what country is that the size of a shot?
Amy: Texas?

Lefke: Are you writing down quotes? Can I see?
Rachel: No, they're beer-soaked.

Claire: Who is she winking at? Is she having an affair with the camera man?

Amy: You know, the first time I was drunk I found it very helpful to throw animal crackers at people.

Semper ubi...

Rob: I've been running a lot, so I'm quite happy to stand there in my chones.

I've got nothing to hide.

Couchsurfers = nerds

Jenn: Did you want the wedding ring instead of the pearl earrings? Because I would think that the earrings are more wearable.

Amy: Can we watch Land Before Time clips on youtube?

Claire: He's a magical toad. Why does Wormtail get to live and Trevor the Toad has to die?
Rachel: Because Wormtail is an actual person and...
Claire: Wormtail's not a person, he's a... jerk.

It's time to ask some hard questions about our relationships with animals

Colleague: Spider genitals could be sexy to some...

Jenn: Maybe you taste bad to lions if you're a Jehovah's Witness

Return to London

Jenn: Hey maybe we'll get drunk at the Obama thing.

Jenn: Do you know what a funnel cake is?
Rachel: YES!
Jenn: Not you. I was asking the UK people.
UK people: *shake heads*

Jenn: A Renaissance faire is like America's version of England.
Seb: Yeah we call it a street.

Reason #573 why we are better than Bella Swan

Rebecca: she did put her foot down about one thing!
Rachel: what having sex before becoming a vampire?
Rebecca: yep
Rebecca: that would totally be the top thing on my lists of things to do before becoming a vampire
Rachel: ...
Rebecca: (i was being sarcastic)

Rachel: so when you come to visit again you'll be staying in our emo teen vampire brothel
Rebecca: well at least i'll get one to do off my list
although
i've been accused of being a vampire, so maybe it's too late
Rachel: why would that make it too late? have you been hanging out in emo teen brothels?
Rebecca: um, apparently there was a misunderstanding

A night with AFI

These quotes happened as Chris and I watched AFI's newest list in June, and Jessica watched on with amazement. Yes, they're old.

Chris: Westerns are like jazz.

Jessica: I need something to go with Jack.
Chris: How about ice?

Skype

Rachel: You said, 'Dot, dot, dot.'

Rachel: I can't do things that involve things.

Rachel: No, you know what I mean. I can't do athletic things that involve athleticy things.

Rachel: You have to smooth corners to be a diplomat. It's glossing over the whole 'we bombed your country 10 years ago.'

na Exitu

rachel: how old do you think he is?
jessie: married.

random group of drunk english: *singing* we love you serbia! we do!
seb & rachel: *run away laughing*
seb: I think I want to change my nationality
rachel: I just had a flashback to 1915...

flyer guy: do you want to study in London?
seb: I live in London
flyer girl: I could have told you he was English

and more along the same lines...

It's a new game!

Tim: All I heard is, 'Are you a contributer to the groping.' Yes, but...

Paige: If I were masturbating, pretty much the freakiest thing I can think of is a bunch of my girlfriends around me cheering me on to get off.

Carly: I don't know what that means. Oh yes I do. It's all in the name.

Paige: It's like back rubs.

Paige: We're going to look at porn together.

Tim: Yeah! Sex!

Jessica: I think taking a picture of yourself in a dress and charging people to see it is a little like pornography.

Becca: I mean, how often do two of your best friends get married? Not that often.... well twice, I guess.

Rob: Oh, that's easy. You just sleep with her, then make a copy of the key in the morning while she's still asleep.

Jessica: (in a text message) And you didn't even need to sleep with me to get our key.

There's one more, but I honestly think that it's a little too adult content to put here, and it's not just because I don't want to type it. Plus, the speaker doesn't want his/her name attached to the quote, and I don't think that's allowed.

It's now the perma-party

Tony: Do it with your brother's fiance.

Tony: Who wants to jump in the wiener?

Patrick: Where's Tony? Is he in the wiener pool?

Patrick: What, it's not that bad. It probably came out of my mouth and I just put it back in.

Liz: What was the result of the taste test?
Patrick: Something Dorito-y.

You Are What You Eat

Jessica (referring to someone's Chipotle meal): It looked and smelled amazing! Actually, it looked like poop and smelled like fart.

Interesting Aroma

Jessica: That's like kicking with the hand.

Chris: I think Jessica smelled some Muggles in the bathroom.

Chris: Your slate is wiped clean.
Jessica: I'm a slave to white plains?

I'm not going to say that watching Reefer Madness had anything to do with these quotes, but...

Eurovision: we are wolves of the sea

Presenter: Welcome to our Europe-long party

Terry Wogan (British commentator): "Gel-ena" (Jelena)

Jessie: Doesn't this remind you of the Sesame Street song?
Rachel: "all night long"? (Denmark)

Jenn: Maybe she's blind
Seb: That would explain the dress (Georgia)

Seb: That's the 'dear Vlad don't send the tanks in' vote. (Ukraine for Russia)

Rachel: The Irish love pirates (Ireland for Latvia)

Jenn: Russia has iceskates and political voting... so they win.

Russian entry: You are incredible... because of us.

Around Sac-Town

Song: Buck naked in the eye of the Lord.
Aunt: What's that mean to you?
Cousin: God's a perv.

Becca: I'm perfectly secure in my own importance.

Professor: Unfortunately, they didn't lay down the methodological smackdown that you want.

How do you exist?

"How can I be a bridge if you people don't even know your own countries?" -- Jenn, the anglo-american
"So what's x-factor?" --Seb

Don't rub it in

Rob: Nah, I'm just messing with you. I'm worried if you start watching they'll cancel the show.

Keepin it Alive

Rob: I'm genuinely worried my brother might do something stupid.
Becca: What's he up to?
Rob: Honestly I don't know the answer to that question, but I think alcohol might somehow be a catalyst. He shared a few words with me, and by "words" I mean it was like reading one of those e-mail forwards about words with jumbled letters yet you can still understand them.
Becca: I doubt he can get into too much trouble, no matter how much liquor is involved.
Rob: You underestimate the power of Tim. One can never truly estimate his capacity for ingenuity and stupidity.

Rob: It's the Lazynberg Uncertainty Principle. You won't know until you actually try to do something. You cannot be simultaneously lazy and non-lazy.
Becca: I can too. I'm the kitty in the box.
Rob: Then what is the litter a metaphor for?
Becca: Not that box.

Becca: Getting pissy is the prerogative of a girlfriend - I thought you would have learned this by now. long break in the conversation Obviously this information has rendered you typeless. I'm sorry to have to be the one to break it to you.

Becca: Do you think it would be wrong to have Newcastle with breakfast tomorrow?
Rob: Depends, if you pour it in your cereal, I think that's acceptable.

Rob: Number of ideas shot down by Becca: 458,346,789.364
Number of ideas not shot down by Becca: 4.
Becca: I missed 4?

Three in a row...

Becca:Sorry - two nights in a row is all I'm good for

---

Becca:I wouldn't want to keep you from yourself
Rob:It's just me, without a shirt on and using a measuring tape
Rob:What's the big deal?

Late night confessions

Cleaned up from an IM conversation.

Rob: This is bad. I'm like you and now I hate myself.
Becca: So you think I hate myself, or you hate me?
Rob: I hate me for being like you.
Becca: And therefore you hate anyone like me, me included.
Rob: Nah. You being you is fine. It's me being you that I hate.

FOIL

Rob:My brain hears the word foil and works through the following checklist: Literary term, algebra, and lastly, kitchen-ware.
Becca:yep
Becca:same with me
Becca:i have to think that's abnormal

Order of the Stick

Patrick: Don't attempt my stick!

DEWM Party

Finally found them.

Brian: I've never been romantically attracted to a guy, but I consider myself bi-approachable.

Brian: My body by itself is very smooth.

Lauren: Tim, we have to stick together at the wedding.
Tim: What wedding?

Chris: Tim want tequila. Give him apple juice.
Jessica: We don't have any.
Chris: I'll go make some.
Becca: As long as it burns on the way down.

Law & Order: Bakersfield

Jessica: Would you ever hire anyone to rape and kill me?
Chris: You know how I feel about outsourcing.

World Cup 2010

R: Can you drink all day?
J: Yes. basically you just watch football matches and drink all day.
R: I could go for that. How is it different from reading romance novels and drinking all day? [pause] No sex?
J:Well, there's a lot of guys, I think we can work that in.

Please don't go there

Why am I the only one posting anything here? Hop to it, friends.

Professor: If economics were American Idol, Cantillon would be Ruben Studdard, and Adam Smith would be the red-haired kid, Clay Aiken, because Cantillon said it first, just like Ruben won, but Smith is who everybody remembers, like Aiken.

The truth comes out

Jessica: Stupid ring! pause Not that I don't like it.

At least something came out of the Dark Ages

Taking after Rachel, I think I'll post funny quotes from my readings.

"Obsessive anxiety, it seems, was the gross national product of the Middle Ages."

Uncle Milty

Professor (describing a visit with another professor): And then his four year old daughter came in, and in the idea of "dance monkey dance" he asked her, 'What does Uncle Milty say?' The daughter stood stock still and replied, 'Inflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon. G'night daddy!' and gave him a kiss.

I want a four year old to brainwash (just not my own),

ring in the new

Rachel: I hope it's good, I picked it out.
Jessica: Which one is it, Ravenclaw?
Rachel:... Ravenwood.

Tim: So if the parachute doesn't open, that's emotional, right?

Rachel: She got a boyfriend.
Tim: Him [Patrick]?

Becca: Caress it like a lover.

Becca: Tim's used to being single.

Becca: Did you shoot your... cooch?

Jess: People don't give penises clothes (12:30 am)

Jess: I think I shot baby Jesus.

Jess: I can't help that I'm naturally sexy.

Chris (?): And there's only one stop light between beer and my house.

Ubermench

Becca: What about Lois Lane?
Jessica: He's just screwing her.

Tim: When water comes out of the holes in your face.

While playing taboo:
Jess: A woman might do this to her husband...
Becca and Rachel in unison: Beat him!

The vessel with the pestle

Rachel: on how to get out of work Tell them you have something really contagious.... like anthrax.

Rachel: I need to go to Russia.
Becca: Russia?
Rachel: Yes, it's so big and waiting to be conquered.

Rachel: on sisters You wouldn't have minded if you had one like you.
Becca: Yeah, but I would if I had one..... pause like you.

Rachel: Yeah, well they say it's hereditary.
Becca: Pregnancy?

The Rules of the Game

Rachel: Are they allowed to hang onto each other like that?
Becca: He's not holding onto him, he's just...
Rachel: Feeling him up?
Becca: Yeah, that's it.

*Discussing breaking into cemeteries*
Rachel: It would be easy if it weren't for all the policemen around
Becca: Buffy never seems to have any problems
Rachel: Well, she's a fucking vampire slayer, that's her job.

A seven year old boy outside Tesco's: It's raining men! Hallelujah... It's raining men...
*Pause*
Becca and Rachel: *die laughing*

And this was BEFORE the snake bites...

Becca: I saw King Arthur!
Seb: Really? Where? Cause we've been looking for him for centuries!

Seb: I don't really consider myelf a Brit. I'm half-Irish, half-Polish.
Becca: Strangely enough, that makes you American.

Rachel: I don't care what happens after I die. Except I hope my sister doesn't read my journal...

London = Beijing

Becca: on seeing Trafalgar Square It's like Tianamen Square, only with white people.

Ellen: She was from like the Community College of East Wisconsin.

Trick-or-Treat

Partick (to skeleton kid): You've got to put your mask on.
Skeleton kid: Okay, okay... Prepare to be screamified!!
(struggles with skeleton mask)
Patrick: You want me to hold your candy?
(holds kid's candy)
Skeleton kid: Arrrr!!! Grrrrrr!!! Arrr!!! (screaming)
(Skeleton kid waves goodbye while backing away and still screaming)

Why not?

Rebecca: i'm not going to get drunk just so i can have a necklace

More Quotes from Taboo

Becca : Hey, if you can’t make fun of Jesus, who can you make fun of?

Carly : This is on the upper part of the thing that your nose is on.
Chris: Eyes. Brow. (Pause) Eyebrow!

Carly: We all live on a yellow…fuck me!

Carly: This is a dent on your visage... It’s adorable damnit! It was dimple, by the way...

Omniquotes

Tim: Give her the water with the poison in it....
*Jessica and Lauren glare at Tim*
Tim: Not the deadly poison!


Rob: It looks like dirt.
Tim: It looks like nature.


Chris: Booze has raped my memory.


Becca: Did you just call me simple?
Jess: Cynical!


Jess: If it's not a violent crime, I'm just not interested.


During fantasy football draft
Becca: Let's play Final Fantasy soccer!

Gaming... not the nerdy kind

While playing Taboo...
Becca: I did this at summer camp for a few summers...
Chris: Slept around?
Becca: It was my job!


Chris: Blank me Elmo!
Matt: Tickle was, like, the fourth or fifth thing I thought of...


While discussing Taboo...
Matt: Now, what exactly are the properties of the Magic Asshole?
Becca: It's impenetrable from attack!
Chris: Attack from where?
Matt: Behind!

More to come...

International quote round up

Australian girl: You're from a place called Bakersfield? could you be any more small town America?

Dutch guy: You can get a good bottle of wine from the new world for half what European wine costs. So I think colonialism was a good thing.

Polish girl: I'm Polish; I don't have blood, I have beer. That's why we're so pale.

Forgotten

Becca: Lord of the Rings is like Zinfandel. pause What? It is!

Quizzing the night away

Jayne: You guys could order a pizza.
Carly: excitedly We have a coupon!

Becca: As much as I would love to hear more about Jessica's exploits in the bathroom...

Natalie Martin: Why would I be a flotation device?
Becca: Because you're supportive and crap.
Carly: And buoyant!

Chris: to Becca You are such uniqueness.

On y va

Shaun (my cousin): "Nine!" (yelling my other cousin's position in the race. A car crashes.) "Eight!"

Leah (my cousin's 2 year old): What's that on your ring?
Me: A claddah.
Leah: It's upside down.
Me: That's because I don't have a boyfriend right now.
Shannon (my cousin): Do you think Rachel will find a boyfriend in London?
Leah: No.

Me: when are you going to visit me?
My uncle: I think I'll go over for the wedding.

Red, White, and Booze

Chris: What's my prize?
Robert: I'll give you a cookie. There's some inside.
Jessica: Did you say "cookie" or "quickie?"

Becca: referring to Chris So you just never listen to him.
Jessica: That's why out relationship has lasted so long.

Chris: It's a metric clock!

Jessica: I have germs. Cooties. I don't know.

Who else can we offend?

Jessica: Are you comparing our Lord and Saviour to Smokey the Bear?
Chris: Only in crack visions.

Maya Angelou: Element 56 on the Periodical Table

Rachel: Ether? Isn't that an element on the periodical table?
(Later)
Jessica: Is that where they keep the magazines?
Chris: I think my dentist's office has a periodical table.

(At Fishlips)
Band Member: We're going to do some real poetry here tonight.
Random Heckler: Read some Maya Angelou you motherfucker!

On the topic of women

Becca: It's because we're smarter.
Chris: No, we're just stupid.

Another day in L.A.

Chris: If anything is wrong when I'm around, it's Becca's fault.

Chris: *pointing to elderly dancing couple* Aww! That's going to be us when we're seventy!
Jess: Except we won't be Asian.

Waitress at Fred 62s: Did y'alls balls come and go?

"Join the Army, get typhus"

Rachel: *reading from thesis* Khaki fever...
Amanda: I had that in High School!

Parental Guidance Recommended

From The Grapes of Wrath

Chris: It's fun making fun of old people....
Becca: And old movies.
Chris: It's funny because they're dead now.

Chris: Are they taking bets to see who dies next?
Becca: It's like The Oregon Trail (the computer game).

From Schindler's List

Chris: Seeing how they turning everything into musicals these days, they should make Schindler's List: The Musical. Part Fiddler on the Roof, part.... I don't know, Singing in the Rain or something.
Becca: The Sound of Music.
Chris: Yeah!

Chris: Email! (In the name of Oskar's factory).
Becca: Al Gore and Oskar Schindler worked hand in hand.

Chris: I can imagine the casting call. "We need anorexic women...
Becca: Who don't mind being naked and getting pushed around. Where can we go?"
Chris: That's every girl in Hollywood.

Chris: Note to self: If you're going to save thousands of lives...
Becca: Make sure the paperwork is in order.

Chris: I told Jessica we were watching this, and she said we're going to hell.
(I'm not going to put my response to this).

Becca: Yeah, there's going to be a special circle just for us.

This is why I watch the Bachelor (for the champagne)

Natalie (after a few glasses of champagne): I feel a little dizzy. *burps loudly* Okay, all better.

Gay or European?

Chris: You know what I used as my final argument for why men are better than women?
Jessica: What?
Chris: Cary Grant.
Jessica: He was gay!
Chris: No he wasn't, he was just British!

*In my defense, I know Cary Grant was not gay, and I never thought he was (not that there is anything wrong with that). I was just trying to annoy Chris.*

Most unusual bar talk winner

By the end of the night, they were lovin' us, those Hungarian Nazis were....

That rakija is pretty bad stuff. I almost ran over a homeless guy... in a tank!

Video Gaming

A friend: So being a woman in the gaming world sucks. Unless you're a skank.

Wednesday One-Liners

I am reposting this from "Overheard in New York" because it is frightening. And hilarious.

Man on cell: Yeah, but then once you graduate from college it's called alcoholism.

--West Village

Ah, how true it is.

Under the influence

Becca: Half of my family doesn't get me. That's the pot-smoking half.
Chris: Really? I thought the pot-smoking half would get you...

Why would you want to what, Tim?

Sorry to put these up so late. They were buried at the bottom of my suitcase. :)

Becca: My life is stupid, my card is American Express.

Jessica: (to Chris) Girlfriend! You have to pick my card!
Robert: Jessica, (points to himself) boyfriend!

Tim (?): Yeah, Chris has a sexy tractor.

Rachel: Cornflakes! They were invented to prevent masturbation.
Tim: (horrified) Why would you want to...?

The Asian Persuasion

Rachel: Who does good on standardized testing? If you do, you must be Asian! ....Or half Asian.
-later-

Rachel: Thank God I'm not stupid!

(While watching the Food Network)
Jessica: I've never seen so many Asian men cry.

A little something from New York

Galen: By the way--I've had a beer and a half and I feel drink.

There were more quotes, but I was never very good at remembering them.

Scategories

Chris: C'mon ride the train.
Jessica and Becca (while doing the train motion): Choo Choo.

Chris: You know, like when you call CalTranz and they have those sayings that rhyme? "Stay alive, don't imbibe." Or I guess it could be "Stay alive don't drink and drive."

Becca: Nobody picked Bronco!
Chris: Except OJ Simpson.

Jessica: Aw, you tole her thunder.

Tim: Wow, I fail at this game. I did F for the first one, then C for the rest.

Jessica: Farm equipment.
Chris: Field goals.
Becca: Fire escape.
Tim: Chimney vent.

Major holidays and quotes are like PB and J

Jessica: You have too many walls. So it's easy to make fun of you. You take down the wall, you have -
Rachel: Adventures? Like Berlin.
Jessica: No, not adventures. Less awkwardness.

Jessica: I think we'll need more alcohol.
Becca: There's not enough alcohol in the world.
Chris: For what?
Rachel: For Becca to take her clothes off.

Jessica: (to Chris) You know you're still wearing the tiara?
Chris: Yes, but Carly's still wearing the wig.
Jessica: So what!

Carly: I dub thee.... sir Becca.

Jessica: It's amazing how much darker the sunglasses make everything.

Rachel: Why are you so attached to the sword? I feel like it's a symbol of something.
Becca: Because it's pointy.

Becca: I'm thinking.
Rachel: You always think!

Matt: How do you have three cards in your hand?
Carly: And I still lost! What the hell!

Becca: Wasn't there some disease that turned you tongue black?
Rachel: The Plague?

Jessica: Wait did anybody die? Okay, we can laugh about it. We're not going to hell... at least not for that.

Some of them I couldn't read, or weren't funny, so if you really want them up, you'll have to do it yourself.

Congrats Natalie!

Carly: It's like having a disco ball on your mouth!

Rachel: We should get champagne!
Chris: We could get single malt scotch. It's like the champagne of scotch.

That annoying song Doncha Wish Your Girlfriend... comes on the sound system
Rachel/Natalie: Hey Becca, it's that song you hate!
Becca: No it's not! [chorus starts] Oh crap.

Rachel: I'm moving to the city that has the most per capita pubs... per capita.

Was it good for you, Becca?

Jess: We're going to take Becca's virginity tonight!
Chris looks horrified
Jess: And by that I mean beer can virginity, of course.
Chris: There are so many things wrong with what you just said...

Seriously?

Rachel: Asher? As in Prancer and Vixen.... You know, "Asher and Prancer and Dancer..."


Robert: Even I look like a hooker wearing a skirt and boots.

When Burzlaffs go WILD!

These quotes are from last Saturday night when Chris and I hung out with his two cousins and their respective significant others. Three Burzlaffs (well, one Burzlaff and two others with Burzlaff blood) in one place equals a LOT of quotes, as you would imagine.

Greg: I totally rock the scrawn!

Chris: Oooh! I want an orange-muffed choir!

Mark: I want a shag-covered toilet seat. Oh wait...

Jen (Greg's wife): Honey, want to try my sweet pine nuts?
Greg: Wow, your nuts are sweet!

Paulette: Here Jessica, finish my drink.
Jessica: Can I have your cherry?
Paulette: Sure!
*five minutes later*
Paulette (to Mark): Look! I finished my drink. Hey! Where's my cherry?

Good times.

What constitutes a first kiss?

Chris: So you were 13 and your bowels got stirred?

Wise Insights

Chris: "That's known as skipping first base and going straight to the pitcher's mound."

Chris: "Which school is this?"
Rachel: "Birkbeck"
Chris: "Brokeback? Well, at least you won't have a problem with quitting."

Rusty's pizza parlour

Becca: Whenever I hear "Magna Carta" I think "tabula rasa"... maybe because Locke was British and he was about the same time... or a lot later.

Rachel: We could be sisters.
B: No we couldn't.
R: Why not?
B: Because we didn't grow up together.
R: But that's only half of it.
B: Whats the other half?
R: Blood.

R: I don't want [you to wear] something other than jeans I want something other than a soccer sweatshirt.
B: It's not a... It's a snowboarding sweatshirt.

B: You could teach him history.
R: Of what?
B: War. He's in a war.
R: More like a current event.
B; He's in a current event?

Pretty in Pink

I will admit that I don't remember the exact quote, but I'm going to try!

Becca: He's like a year... year-old.

Le weekend

Rachel: What is that (spanish name of street)?
Becca: I'm sure it's a tree but I'm not sure.

Rob: Becca has a no touching policy.
Becca: Yes, it's very strict.
Rob: She can only be touched in certain places.

There are probably more I forgot and at least one I am not allowed to put up.

Misc. Holiday Quotes

Here are some quotes left over from the holidays....

Chris: The heat lost its mojo.

Becca: I've now had a red headed slut!

Chris: I'm not drunk, I'm inebriated.
Tim: I'm drunk.

Tim: Jessica, are you still living vicariously through me?
Jessica: No.
Tim: (while touching his eyebrow) Because right here is numb.

Galen: Ooo! I've drank from this port-a-potty before.

Rachel: (reading) In which language is "once" spelled "w...." wait....

Galen: Oh. I thought you were talking about euphamisms for ding-dings.

Depression

Here's a quote I had written down some time ago while browsing through an informercial. I just stumbled across the paper it was on and thought this would be worth sharing.

Salesman: "I was watching 'Seinfeld' and there must be a lot of depressed people watching that show because every other commercial was about depression."

Host: "Well, it is a show about nothing."

Starting 2007 off right....

Jessica: Ew! Is that champagne?
Jan (Jessica's mom): I think it's urine.

Logarrhea

I can't find the first two papers with quotes on them from the holiday party, so more quotes will definitely be forthcoming. But here are such that I can currently find.

Chris: Robert made out with books tonight.

Robert: I interpret that really wrong.
Rachel: Oh Robert... your pants are wet.
Rachel: (a little later) The funny thing is, it's my fault.

Chris: I don't need a gym. I just need friends so that I can hurt myself.

Robert: We have no more open bottles of wine... except for Natalie.
Becca: Natalie is an open bottle of wine?

Robert: Everybody who's going to have nightmares, please raise your hand.
Chris raises his hand.
Chris: It's about me and I'm having nightmares, too.

Robert: Take pictures to your heart's content.
Jessica poses.
Robert: I didn't say act stupid to your hearts content.

Becca: Robert is a butthole.
Jessica: ... That I agree with.

Rachel: I wear things underneath my pants, but it doesn't make it any different when I take them off.

Jessica: Did I scare you?
Tim: No, Chris in a teddy, that scares me.

Tim: I don't think they should make salad dressing in a little squirt thing.

Sportsmanship

Chris: "So you like football players, huh?"
Jess: "Just the kicky kind."

Supervision necessary

It falls to me to put the quotes down from last night, even though I didn't hear most of them.

Patrick: I go to a very liberal school.
Rachel and Jessica: Really?
Patrick: Well, it's a liberal arts school.

Patrick: There are sects of sects. (say it out loud)

Chris: (to Becca) Let's go to the back room (everybody heard bathroom).
(Becca follows)
Rachel: (to Jessica) Should you be worried?
Jessica: (shrugs) Nah.
Rachel: Cause it's Becca, but then again, it's Becca.
Patrick: I don't know what you mean by that, but I see your point.

Jessica: If I had a penny for every time I've been in that predicament.... I'd have a penny. Actually, I'd have nothing.

Jessica: A sneeze is like a tenth of an orgasm.
Patrick: My girlfriend said that the other day. She loves them!
Jessica: Sneezes or orgasms?

Becca: (asking a Trivial Pursuit question) What did Florida attorney Ellis Rubin say inmates could donate in exchange for a reduced sentence?
Chris: Livers?
Patrick: Blood.
Rachel: Sperm!
Becca: Body parts. So Chris, you were right.
Rachel: I was right.
Chris and Jessica: Sperm is not a body part!

Chris: He's too drunk 'n stupor...

Chris: I rose my hand.

Patrick: Then he es-chewed.

Related quote

Rachel: You can be engaged without a ring.
Chris: Tell that to a girl.
Rachel: ...I am a girl!
Chris: Tell that to a real girl!

(Since when did I turn into Becca?)

PS, Tim, or Rob, put up the quotes from the party!

Family

Some late quotes from a family dinner.

Jenny (my cousin): So we're going to have a big ceremony (wedding) in a couple years.
Becca: Oh that's nic-
Jenny: And you will be a bridesmaid and you will wear a dress.
Becca: What!


Jenny: So Matt (her brother) is going to get married.
Becca: Oh, so he's engaged too?
Jenny: No, he's not engaged, he's just going to get married. He says.
Becca: Um, isn't the definition of "engaged" going to get married?

Tom (my great uncle): Oh, she's really getting married? I thought you were joking. I didn't think people got married when they got pregnant anymore.
Stephanie (my dad's half sister): Yeah, I didn't.

Schooling

Patrick: I love it when they give you a book to read and you're like..... no.

Mixers

Rachel: Are you ever gonna drink that koumquat liquer?
Robert: I don't know what I would drink it with.
Tim: Me!
Robert: What! not who!

The drinks go down and the quotes come up

Chris: You already told me that.
Rachel: I'm sorry, it's like you're the victim of my thoughts.
Jessica: That's very poetic.
Jessica: Something just squirted me.

Chris: So the head will taste really bad...

Rachel: Oh, Becca doesn't know what balls are.
All: aww
Rachel: I'm just kidding.
Becca: I played baseball until I was 13.
Rachel: I was talking about a different kind of ball...

Rachel: Do you know how hard it is to pee into a hole in the ground when you've been drinking?
Becca (a little bit later): That's a great idea! Portable toilets! Just add water!!

Rachel (to Chris): Do you want a drink?
Jess: No, he's driving.
Chris: Yeah I've had two beers and a drink. Actually one and a half beers. Actually just one beer and one drink. Well more like one drink.

Becca: He's the one with whom I have something in common.
Jessica and Rachel (in unison): WHAT?
Becca: Something in common... what?
Jessica & Rachel: .... nothing...

and something else I can't read.

Also a public apology to Becca.. I was angsting because I thought she had the quotes and wondering why she hadn't put them up yet, but then I looked in my wallet & saw that I still had them... so, sorry.