Why would you want to what, Tim?

Sorry to put these up so late. They were buried at the bottom of my suitcase. :)

Becca: My life is stupid, my card is American Express.

Jessica: (to Chris) Girlfriend! You have to pick my card!
Robert: Jessica, (points to himself) boyfriend!

Tim (?): Yeah, Chris has a sexy tractor.

Rachel: Cornflakes! They were invented to prevent masturbation.
Tim: (horrified) Why would you want to...?

The Asian Persuasion

Rachel: Who does good on standardized testing? If you do, you must be Asian! ....Or half Asian.
-later-

Rachel: Thank God I'm not stupid!

(While watching the Food Network)
Jessica: I've never seen so many Asian men cry.

A little something from New York

Galen: By the way--I've had a beer and a half and I feel drink.

There were more quotes, but I was never very good at remembering them.

Scategories

Chris: C'mon ride the train.
Jessica and Becca (while doing the train motion): Choo Choo.

Chris: You know, like when you call CalTranz and they have those sayings that rhyme? "Stay alive, don't imbibe." Or I guess it could be "Stay alive don't drink and drive."

Becca: Nobody picked Bronco!
Chris: Except OJ Simpson.

Jessica: Aw, you tole her thunder.

Tim: Wow, I fail at this game. I did F for the first one, then C for the rest.

Jessica: Farm equipment.
Chris: Field goals.
Becca: Fire escape.
Tim: Chimney vent.

Major holidays and quotes are like PB and J

Jessica: You have too many walls. So it's easy to make fun of you. You take down the wall, you have -
Rachel: Adventures? Like Berlin.
Jessica: No, not adventures. Less awkwardness.

Jessica: I think we'll need more alcohol.
Becca: There's not enough alcohol in the world.
Chris: For what?
Rachel: For Becca to take her clothes off.

Jessica: (to Chris) You know you're still wearing the tiara?
Chris: Yes, but Carly's still wearing the wig.
Jessica: So what!

Carly: I dub thee.... sir Becca.

Jessica: It's amazing how much darker the sunglasses make everything.

Rachel: Why are you so attached to the sword? I feel like it's a symbol of something.
Becca: Because it's pointy.

Becca: I'm thinking.
Rachel: You always think!

Matt: How do you have three cards in your hand?
Carly: And I still lost! What the hell!

Becca: Wasn't there some disease that turned you tongue black?
Rachel: The Plague?

Jessica: Wait did anybody die? Okay, we can laugh about it. We're not going to hell... at least not for that.

Some of them I couldn't read, or weren't funny, so if you really want them up, you'll have to do it yourself.

Congrats Natalie!

Carly: It's like having a disco ball on your mouth!

Rachel: We should get champagne!
Chris: We could get single malt scotch. It's like the champagne of scotch.

That annoying song Doncha Wish Your Girlfriend... comes on the sound system
Rachel/Natalie: Hey Becca, it's that song you hate!
Becca: No it's not! [chorus starts] Oh crap.

Rachel: I'm moving to the city that has the most per capita pubs... per capita.

Was it good for you, Becca?

Jess: We're going to take Becca's virginity tonight!
Chris looks horrified
Jess: And by that I mean beer can virginity, of course.
Chris: There are so many things wrong with what you just said...

Seriously?

Rachel: Asher? As in Prancer and Vixen.... You know, "Asher and Prancer and Dancer..."


Robert: Even I look like a hooker wearing a skirt and boots.

When Burzlaffs go WILD!

These quotes are from last Saturday night when Chris and I hung out with his two cousins and their respective significant others. Three Burzlaffs (well, one Burzlaff and two others with Burzlaff blood) in one place equals a LOT of quotes, as you would imagine.

Greg: I totally rock the scrawn!

Chris: Oooh! I want an orange-muffed choir!

Mark: I want a shag-covered toilet seat. Oh wait...

Jen (Greg's wife): Honey, want to try my sweet pine nuts?
Greg: Wow, your nuts are sweet!

Paulette: Here Jessica, finish my drink.
Jessica: Can I have your cherry?
Paulette: Sure!
*five minutes later*
Paulette (to Mark): Look! I finished my drink. Hey! Where's my cherry?

Good times.

What constitutes a first kiss?

Chris: So you were 13 and your bowels got stirred?

Wise Insights

Chris: "That's known as skipping first base and going straight to the pitcher's mound."

Chris: "Which school is this?"
Rachel: "Birkbeck"
Chris: "Brokeback? Well, at least you won't have a problem with quitting."

Rusty's pizza parlour

Becca: Whenever I hear "Magna Carta" I think "tabula rasa"... maybe because Locke was British and he was about the same time... or a lot later.

Rachel: We could be sisters.
B: No we couldn't.
R: Why not?
B: Because we didn't grow up together.
R: But that's only half of it.
B: Whats the other half?
R: Blood.

R: I don't want [you to wear] something other than jeans I want something other than a soccer sweatshirt.
B: It's not a... It's a snowboarding sweatshirt.

B: You could teach him history.
R: Of what?
B: War. He's in a war.
R: More like a current event.
B; He's in a current event?

Pretty in Pink

I will admit that I don't remember the exact quote, but I'm going to try!

Becca: He's like a year... year-old.

Le weekend

Rachel: What is that (spanish name of street)?
Becca: I'm sure it's a tree but I'm not sure.

Rob: Becca has a no touching policy.
Becca: Yes, it's very strict.
Rob: She can only be touched in certain places.

There are probably more I forgot and at least one I am not allowed to put up.

Misc. Holiday Quotes

Here are some quotes left over from the holidays....

Chris: The heat lost its mojo.

Becca: I've now had a red headed slut!

Chris: I'm not drunk, I'm inebriated.
Tim: I'm drunk.

Tim: Jessica, are you still living vicariously through me?
Jessica: No.
Tim: (while touching his eyebrow) Because right here is numb.

Galen: Ooo! I've drank from this port-a-potty before.

Rachel: (reading) In which language is "once" spelled "w...." wait....

Galen: Oh. I thought you were talking about euphamisms for ding-dings.

Depression

Here's a quote I had written down some time ago while browsing through an informercial. I just stumbled across the paper it was on and thought this would be worth sharing.

Salesman: "I was watching 'Seinfeld' and there must be a lot of depressed people watching that show because every other commercial was about depression."

Host: "Well, it is a show about nothing."

Starting 2007 off right....

Jessica: Ew! Is that champagne?
Jan (Jessica's mom): I think it's urine.

Logarrhea

I can't find the first two papers with quotes on them from the holiday party, so more quotes will definitely be forthcoming. But here are such that I can currently find.

Chris: Robert made out with books tonight.

Robert: I interpret that really wrong.
Rachel: Oh Robert... your pants are wet.
Rachel: (a little later) The funny thing is, it's my fault.

Chris: I don't need a gym. I just need friends so that I can hurt myself.

Robert: We have no more open bottles of wine... except for Natalie.
Becca: Natalie is an open bottle of wine?

Robert: Everybody who's going to have nightmares, please raise your hand.
Chris raises his hand.
Chris: It's about me and I'm having nightmares, too.

Robert: Take pictures to your heart's content.
Jessica poses.
Robert: I didn't say act stupid to your hearts content.

Becca: Robert is a butthole.
Jessica: ... That I agree with.

Rachel: I wear things underneath my pants, but it doesn't make it any different when I take them off.

Jessica: Did I scare you?
Tim: No, Chris in a teddy, that scares me.

Tim: I don't think they should make salad dressing in a little squirt thing.

Sportsmanship

Chris: "So you like football players, huh?"
Jess: "Just the kicky kind."

Supervision necessary

It falls to me to put the quotes down from last night, even though I didn't hear most of them.

Patrick: I go to a very liberal school.
Rachel and Jessica: Really?
Patrick: Well, it's a liberal arts school.

Patrick: There are sects of sects. (say it out loud)

Chris: (to Becca) Let's go to the back room (everybody heard bathroom).
(Becca follows)
Rachel: (to Jessica) Should you be worried?
Jessica: (shrugs) Nah.
Rachel: Cause it's Becca, but then again, it's Becca.
Patrick: I don't know what you mean by that, but I see your point.

Jessica: If I had a penny for every time I've been in that predicament.... I'd have a penny. Actually, I'd have nothing.

Jessica: A sneeze is like a tenth of an orgasm.
Patrick: My girlfriend said that the other day. She loves them!
Jessica: Sneezes or orgasms?

Becca: (asking a Trivial Pursuit question) What did Florida attorney Ellis Rubin say inmates could donate in exchange for a reduced sentence?
Chris: Livers?
Patrick: Blood.
Rachel: Sperm!
Becca: Body parts. So Chris, you were right.
Rachel: I was right.
Chris and Jessica: Sperm is not a body part!

Chris: He's too drunk 'n stupor...

Chris: I rose my hand.

Patrick: Then he es-chewed.

Related quote

Rachel: You can be engaged without a ring.
Chris: Tell that to a girl.
Rachel: ...I am a girl!
Chris: Tell that to a real girl!

(Since when did I turn into Becca?)

PS, Tim, or Rob, put up the quotes from the party!

Family

Some late quotes from a family dinner.

Jenny (my cousin): So we're going to have a big ceremony (wedding) in a couple years.
Becca: Oh that's nic-
Jenny: And you will be a bridesmaid and you will wear a dress.
Becca: What!


Jenny: So Matt (her brother) is going to get married.
Becca: Oh, so he's engaged too?
Jenny: No, he's not engaged, he's just going to get married. He says.
Becca: Um, isn't the definition of "engaged" going to get married?

Tom (my great uncle): Oh, she's really getting married? I thought you were joking. I didn't think people got married when they got pregnant anymore.
Stephanie (my dad's half sister): Yeah, I didn't.

Schooling

Patrick: I love it when they give you a book to read and you're like..... no.

Mixers

Rachel: Are you ever gonna drink that koumquat liquer?
Robert: I don't know what I would drink it with.
Tim: Me!
Robert: What! not who!

The drinks go down and the quotes come up

Chris: You already told me that.
Rachel: I'm sorry, it's like you're the victim of my thoughts.
Jessica: That's very poetic.
Jessica: Something just squirted me.

Chris: So the head will taste really bad...

Rachel: Oh, Becca doesn't know what balls are.
All: aww
Rachel: I'm just kidding.
Becca: I played baseball until I was 13.
Rachel: I was talking about a different kind of ball...

Rachel: Do you know how hard it is to pee into a hole in the ground when you've been drinking?
Becca (a little bit later): That's a great idea! Portable toilets! Just add water!!

Rachel (to Chris): Do you want a drink?
Jess: No, he's driving.
Chris: Yeah I've had two beers and a drink. Actually one and a half beers. Actually just one beer and one drink. Well more like one drink.

Becca: He's the one with whom I have something in common.
Jessica and Rachel (in unison): WHAT?
Becca: Something in common... what?
Jessica & Rachel: .... nothing...

and something else I can't read.

Also a public apology to Becca.. I was angsting because I thought she had the quotes and wondering why she hadn't put them up yet, but then I looked in my wallet & saw that I still had them... so, sorry.

Oh dear...

Chris: It is very difficult for the unalive to exist.

VIQ Lounge

Carly: There are two kinds of people at UCSB: Those who party and those who graduate.

Quotes from the Cholo

Me: *quoting Veronica Mars* See this? This is my "over-the-moon" face.
Chris: See this? This is my "under-the-Mars" face. *pause* Keith Mars.

Freudian Slip

Natalie: Wow, Hookers is really empty. *pause* Crap,I mean Hooters!

Typical Wednesday

Chris: I know the "You're-going-to-be-a-daddy talk."
Rachel: Wha-
Chris: From TV!

Chris: Chicken: it's the chicken of the... land.

Tasty?

I heard this on my way home from class.

Guy 1: What goes in Irish Carbombs? Guinness and... a shot of what?
Guy 2: I think it's vodka. (thinks) Yeah, vodka.
Guy 1: I'm going to go to the store and getting those to make my own carbombs.

Band Nerd

Blake, while watcing "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown:" Now that is good use of an alto sax.

Gotta love the LA news

Announcer: And then, a prank turns deadly when a shopping cart falls on a woman. More at 11.

What?????

TMI

All: You have to streak in your underwear.
Tim: But I'm wearing my thong.

Forgot one

Rachel: We were discussing our love lives.
Becca: You have a love life?

Announcement.

Rachel: My aunt made the craziest rum cake. When I drank it-
Becca, Jessica, and Chris: When you drank it?

Tim: I had a red headed slut and a blow job for my birthday.

Becca: Tim's the red headed slut.

Tim: I hate this game - I always lose or win or whatever.

Rachel: Or we could play lemon Stockholm 57.

Tim: Announcement: I am drunk.

Jessica: I write'm going that. Wait. I'm going to write that down.

Tim: If you're living vicariously through me, is your face numb?

Becca: When did this happen?
Jessica: Eventually.

Rob: We were trying to flash one another (about Chris).

Tim: (while streaking in his underwear) You only turn 21 once! I'm a golden god!

Tim: to Rachel You are too old. How old are you?

Tim: Shut up! That's not sweet.

Tim: Can you feel your face?

Relationship status

Chris: It's a tax break... like a charity!

Rachel: So I guess TV shows are more important than me.
Chris: Yeah pretty much.... oooh football!

Sentiments

Becca: I'm not completely devoid of romantic... something.

Drinking + Phone Calls = Bad Interpretation

Chris: I need some dealies for my horse.
Jess: You need dealies for your whores?
Chris: *exasperated* Yes. My whores need dealies. *whispering* They're called thongs!

Becca refused to post this one

Rob: I cheated on myself.
Amanda: With your left hand?
Becca: UNECESSARY!

Because your boyfriend's cheating on you

Mary: I like to just pop them out and see what they got.

Rachel: Wasn't he in the RSPC? (meaning ROTC).

Amanda: (to Rachel) That's because you're a dirty, dirty whore.

Crack is wack!

*Driving up to San Francisco*
Jessica: So, to you I am like crackers and an outlet?
Chris: Yes! You're my "cracklet!"
Jessica: That makes me sound like a crack whore!
Chris: *thinks a moment* No, it makes you sound like a small, cute firecracker.
Jessica: Great.

Taking about Becca

Me: "but then everyone will think she's easy--"
Chris (without hesitation) "She is."

Remember, remember...

This is probably incorrect, so fix it.

Rachel: I'm trying to remember the quote now, what was it?
Chris: I don't remember it.
Rachel: Something led up to it, but it ended with, 'She's easy.'
Everybody laughs
Becca: Wait, who's easy?
Pause
Rachel, Chris, and Jessica: You are.
Becca: What!

some funnies from Europe

Discussing our various countries' nuclear outlooks.
Jean-Louis: I wish we had the bomb. Man, why did Switzerland have to give up on the bomb?
Daniel: but you don't have anywhere to test it.
Jean-Louis: Yes we do! France!

Dicussing our travel plans.
Daniel: I just have to be in Munich by the end of September.
Me: Oh, is that where your flight is from?
Daniel: No, it's where Oktoberfest is.

Bad combination

Jessica is trying to write her name with vodka on the cement in order to light it on fire.

Somebody: It works better if you take the cap off.

Now for the paddling of the swollen ass!

Heard as walking out of Lindy Groove (which is held at the Masonic Temple in Pasadena):

Random guy: Yeah, I've known a few stone masons in my life. They were all whores.*

* He might not have said whores. He could have said they are all "bores," or they all like "stores." But, I definitely heard "whores" and it is much funnier to me. :)

Sealed for Freshness

Heidi: "Those babies just start popping out. Pop! Pop! Pop! They're just like pringles: once you pop you just can't stop."

Randomness from Calaveras St.

Jess: Whatever happened to the super hunks?
Nat: What DID happen to the superhunks?

Nat (referring to her boss): She has a lot of friends. Just none that can stick their penis in her.

Blake's hairdresser to Blake: You have very delicate ears.

Sarah (Blake's sister): Food keeps getting stuck in my hole.
* for the record, she was referring to her mouth. Get you minds out of the gutter! *

Did I Just Hear That?

From my office I hear the bathroom door open, followed by:

Guy #1: Don't forget to shake the mouse.
Guy #2: Yah, I'm doing that right now.

It took me a second to realize that the second guy wasn't in the bathroom but in the office across the hall.

Ahoy hoy!

Blake: I am going to make up a quote just to make it on the quote page. Um.... quotes... ahoy! There! Put it on there!!!

Vacuuming

Chris: "I haven't sucked this hard since Blake was in town!"

Another Chris-ism

to Denise in reference to Jessica's card playing abilities
Chris: "You're just sucking her mojo."

Hoot

on the subject of owls
Jess: "That was my first word! Not owl, "who".

Ouchoo!

Patrick: "I think I'm allergic to the newspaper, because I sneeze everytime I do the Sudoku puzzle."

Me: "You're probably allergic to thinking."

Backlog

Jessica: AA - for losers and quitters.
Becca: And people who can't handle their liquor.

Chris: I finish their sentences mentally.
Blake: Mentally would be in your head.

Is that your poker face?

Brian: Why don't they make eatable bottles? 'Oh, I'm done with my bottle - what should I do? I'll just eat it.'

Dom: Hey Chris, is the pool working at your house?
Chris: What do you mean is it working? It's a tub of water.

Chris: Oh man, I've gotten the last cards the past three hands!
Dom: So that means you have a queen and a ....
Chris: Oh crap!

Paul: Why do I feel like Cheeshead is going to be rubbing my feet tomorrow?
Brian: I don't rub, I lick.

4th of July Party

Jess: "Hey, you can't do that! You're not the judge, you're just the king!"

Jess: "Handcuffs - don't knock them til you try them."

More to come soon hopefully.

While sofa shopping...

Lady 1: I wish I brought my measuring cup.
Lady 2: Your measuring cup?
Lady 1 (glaring at lady 2): You know what I meant.

Bugle Boy!

Chris: I come from a long line of attractive people in my genes.

* Just say it out loud. Yep, there we go.

"I just make up words"

Becca: His name is Manny. Because he's not hu-manny.
Chris: Wow, you're really hamannying it up.
Rachel: You guys are crazy.
Chris: We're just uncanammy.

And later...

Chris: Does she really lust him... or does she lurst him?

Um, awkward

Rachel: PH didn't answer my last email.
Chris: Um, what? Awkward!
Rachel and Becca look very confused
Chris: Oh, I thought you said that he didn't answer your lust email.

Don't know much about Geography

Rachel (to Robert): I'll bring you some shells back from... Croatia.
Jessica: There's the ocean in Croatia?
Rachel: The Adriatic.
Jessica: That's a sea! I know some things.

We're reaching that age

Rachel: I feel like I should be finding a man and having me some babies.
Rob: See, I'm the exact opposite.
Chris: Yeah, Rob feels like he should be making babies and then find him a man.

Truely

Rob: I should call Chris this evening, let me know that I'll be be in town this weekend.
Becca: So you and Chris are the same person now?

Name game

Becca: Does "rachel" start with "becca?"

Alcohol + Puppets = A rockin' Friday night!

Watching Team America: World Police
Becca, Galen and I have the movie paused and are chatting.

Galen: I hate to kill this party, but can we see what the puppets are doing?

Becca: That's why they do it with puppets.
Jess: So we can laugh at Kim Jong Il.
Becca: And his lisp.
Jess: Yes. And his lisp.

I'm like my trailer

Amanda: Did you work on the trailer?
Rob: but mine is the one that makes the least sense, but looks the most refined
Amanda: Nice.
Amanda: Just like you.
Amanda: Nonsensical, but refined.

Extraordinary ___________

Jess: Is this a human chess machine?

All the same

Amanda: *talking about her paper* blah blah blah our depression era parents--
Rachel: You have depression era parents?
A: Well, no, I meant to say grandparents, but my dad was born in '44.
R: That's not depression era.
A:... but it was depressing!

YOU HAVE CENTER STAGE?

Nat and I, sitting in her room drinking copious amounts of wine while our friend Galen is on the phone with his mom. We are bored and trying to entertain ourselves.

Jess: I'm going to do a jig! *does a jig in front of Galen*
Galen: *laughing* sorry Mom, Jess just did a jig in front of me. *he keeps talking to his Mom*
Nat: You should flash him!
Jess: OK! *flashes Galen*
Galen: *laughing* Sorry Mom, Jess just flashed me. *thanks Galen*
Nat: I'm a horrible friend!
Jess: It's okay, I wouldn't have flashed him if I hadn't been wearing a sports bra.
Nat: Um, that's not what I meant. There's something on your back. *I reach around and pull a KICK ME sign off my back. Thanks Nat.*


Galen: Like Jess said, it's very well written, but...
Nat: She didn't say that.
Jess: I DIDN'T SAY THAT!

Galen: I'm embarrassed for you every time I see that you own Center Stage.
Jess: *very excited* YOU OWN CENTER STAGE??!!!

I think Nat and I have a drinking problem.

I'm not fat!

Chris: It's because you're fat.
Becca: I'm not fat! I'm girthy.
Chris: Oh yeah, you're girthy. And rotund.

I forgot about this one

Denise: I would pigeon that tattoo.

Stewards and Stewardesses

I had one quirky airline stewardess during my trip to Chicago. One of her more memorable quotes was:
"Please remember that this is a non-smoking flight. If you wish to smoke you may step out onto the wing where we'll be showing our in-flight movie of 'Gone With The Wind.'"

After telling my father this, he regaled me with one he's heard on planes:
"Be careful when opening your overhead bins because 'shift' happens."

DAdaism

Carol: I don't think there is anyone in my family I want to marry.

The title is just to provoke Becca into another correction, I'm sure. I actually took a class on Dadaism, but it was in French so I'm sure I misunderstood the whole point of it.

Why am I the only one posting? (besides Jess)

Existensialism

Jose: But what is a table?
Dr O: Well, I know this is a table because when I set my mug down [she demostrates] it doesn't fall. Sometimes I do that with wine [she mimes setting her mug down on the air besides the table]. Ok, I'm drunk. I could have sworn there was a table there.

Thesis Week Quotes (take with a grain of salt)

Jessica: If you don't stop popping your shoulder, I am going to start talking about serial killers again!
Nat: That's a threat if I've ever heard one.

Nat: You were on a serial killer's message board?
Jessica: Yes... we all make poor choices.

Jessica/Galen: That's the shit cover cherry on the crap sundae that is my week.

These are probably only funny to us because we are operating on very little sleep...

I can hear you

PH: *walks into the classroom & looks at me* Where did you get a can of diet coke? I spent forever looking for a can of diet coke.

Me: Huh? What's in Canada?

PH: Didn't you have a can of diet coke in my office earlier?

In my defense, I heard "Why don't you go to Canada; I spent forever looking around in Canada," and I thought it was a continuation of our earlier grad school conversation.

Vera explains it all

"With all this youthful freshness, and needing more experience of life, and so on, I must be suffering from arrested development," I thought ruefully to myself.

Mein Führer!

Rachel: Germany does it for everyone.

So that's where the potatoes went

Becca: American history is so boring. No representation without taxation. I mean...

"What happens in New Amsterdam stays in New Amsterdam."

So said the Dutch colonial expert who guest spoke in class today.

Also, Dr O.: "Excuse me, but that's bullshit," on not using "I" in history papers. She compared it to women shaving armpits instead of men. I wish my classes were 100% this amusing.

Bonus Quote: "His parents were both librarians. It's like being raised by wolves, only scarier." Chaz. (I don't think I got the wording on that one quite right.

Grand Prix quotes

Cowboy Hat guy: I'm a pretty, pretty princess! *yelling at the top of his lungs at 3am*

Nat and Jess *multiple times*: That's going on the quote page!
Other people: What?
Nat and Jess: Nothing...

Jess: Burgers overboard!

Desperation

Tim (sending me a text message from Cana-Duh): I didn't get carded. :)

Rachel got schooled

R: It's like having friends without the benefits
B: You can keep your benefits.

Or something like that. I can't remember the exact wording, but ouch.

Beyond the Sea

Cruise quotes (the ones I can remember anyway):

Nat: *walking up to a bar full of strangers* Who's buying me a drink? *three guys offered*

Jess: NO! NO!

Nat and I met two rather creepy fellows who attempted to chat us up in the bar the last night.

Creepy Guy 1: So, what do you guys do?
Nat: We're writers for a magazine.
Creepy Guy 2: Oh, which magazine?
Jess: US Weekly.
Creepy Guy 1: Who was the coolest celebrity you've ever met?
Nat: well, I don't know about "coolest," but Celine Dion was the most interesting. She was "conserving her voice" and would tap out the answers to my questions on the table. "So, Celine, how are you enjoying your Vegas show?" *tap tap tappity tap* Then her handler would translate. "She likes it very much."

The previous conversation was greatly, greatly condensed, but it gives you an idea. :)

Sushi & sport

R: Where's my sockie?
B: You drank that already.

Chrisisms

Patrick and Chris, in a poking match. Chris: Hey, that's my cervix!

Rachel: It's about Eleanor of Aquitaine.
Chris: Eleanor of Accutane?

Boredom

Becca: He's just really bored.
Rob: Isn't having a wife supposed to cure that?

Becca: looking at the beginning of a Long Island God bless anything with that much alcohol.

The power of love

Chris: I like how they keep putting those titles together. It's like it says: "How I met your mother - a 48 hour mystery."

Becca: You need the power glove.
Chris: Did you say, "You need the power of love?"
Becca: Yes, only the power of love can save Link.
Chris: Who's love?
Becca: Mine.
Chris: Link's screwed.
Becca: Hey! Chris points at the screen as Link dies
Chris: You see!

Damn you alcohol!!!!

After a night of HEAVY drinking:
Nat: Damn you alcohol!!!!

Jess: So you are coming on me
Nat: Yes, I pulled out my invisible HUGE penis and came all over you
Jess: That's not what I meant
Nat: And then is came out your nose
Jess: Low blow
Nat: hahaha
Jess: That's what I was doing when it came out my nose

Jess: I just turned water into wine
Nat: You are JESUS!!!!

Thorwing things at cars

Jess: Wow! That made an awfully loud ding for a Frito. Maybe it's all that chili cheese.

Dude looks like a lady

Nat: I need to stop dressing up as unattractive men.

Along the tonic aisle

Chris: Maybe we should get some Mentadent
Rachel: How about a Venus Vibrance?
Chris: Venus Vibra--wha???

Safari

Chris: Becca doesn't wear shirts around people.

Did he just...?

Rob: My butt hole is getting really big.

Rob on why he needs a new pair of jeans.

Since we're on the theme of class quotes

PH: Hitler Youth was like Boy Scouts... I love making that analogy.

This quote is rated PG-13 for language

This happened in theater last night when my teacher, Alan Blumenfeld, was critiquing my scene.

Blumenfeld: Sure, I love three hours of fist up the ass jokes. Guys telling ya to suck their cocks. This is what Hollywood is like for women.
*Class laughing in shock*
Me: That's going on the quote page.
Blumenfeld: What?
Me: Nothing.

Feminism?

Becca: Emma... what's her name?
Rachel: Austin.
Becca: That's right Emma Austen... er no.
*Rachel gives evil stare*
Rachel: Jane...
Becca: Oh yeah, Jane Austin. Emma Thompson, Jane Austin... same person.

Corrected by Becca