It's a new game!

Tim: All I heard is, 'Are you a contributer to the groping.' Yes, but...

Paige: If I were masturbating, pretty much the freakiest thing I can think of is a bunch of my girlfriends around me cheering me on to get off.

Carly: I don't know what that means. Oh yes I do. It's all in the name.

Paige: It's like back rubs.

Paige: We're going to look at porn together.

Tim: Yeah! Sex!

Jessica: I think taking a picture of yourself in a dress and charging people to see it is a little like pornography.

Becca: I mean, how often do two of your best friends get married? Not that often.... well twice, I guess.

Rob: Oh, that's easy. You just sleep with her, then make a copy of the key in the morning while she's still asleep.

Jessica: (in a text message) And you didn't even need to sleep with me to get our key.

There's one more, but I honestly think that it's a little too adult content to put here, and it's not just because I don't want to type it. Plus, the speaker doesn't want his/her name attached to the quote, and I don't think that's allowed.

It's now the perma-party

Tony: Do it with your brother's fiance.

Tony: Who wants to jump in the wiener?

Patrick: Where's Tony? Is he in the wiener pool?

Patrick: What, it's not that bad. It probably came out of my mouth and I just put it back in.

Liz: What was the result of the taste test?
Patrick: Something Dorito-y.

You Are What You Eat

Jessica (referring to someone's Chipotle meal): It looked and smelled amazing! Actually, it looked like poop and smelled like fart.

Interesting Aroma

Jessica: That's like kicking with the hand.

Chris: I think Jessica smelled some Muggles in the bathroom.

Chris: Your slate is wiped clean.
Jessica: I'm a slave to white plains?

I'm not going to say that watching Reefer Madness had anything to do with these quotes, but...

Eurovision: we are wolves of the sea

Presenter: Welcome to our Europe-long party

Terry Wogan (British commentator): "Gel-ena" (Jelena)

Jessie: Doesn't this remind you of the Sesame Street song?
Rachel: "all night long"? (Denmark)

Jenn: Maybe she's blind
Seb: That would explain the dress (Georgia)

Seb: That's the 'dear Vlad don't send the tanks in' vote. (Ukraine for Russia)

Rachel: The Irish love pirates (Ireland for Latvia)

Jenn: Russia has iceskates and political voting... so they win.

Russian entry: You are incredible... because of us.

Around Sac-Town

Song: Buck naked in the eye of the Lord.
Aunt: What's that mean to you?
Cousin: God's a perv.

Becca: I'm perfectly secure in my own importance.

Professor: Unfortunately, they didn't lay down the methodological smackdown that you want.

How do you exist?

"How can I be a bridge if you people don't even know your own countries?" -- Jenn, the anglo-american
"So what's x-factor?" --Seb

Don't rub it in

Rob: Nah, I'm just messing with you. I'm worried if you start watching they'll cancel the show.

Keepin it Alive

Rob: I'm genuinely worried my brother might do something stupid.
Becca: What's he up to?
Rob: Honestly I don't know the answer to that question, but I think alcohol might somehow be a catalyst. He shared a few words with me, and by "words" I mean it was like reading one of those e-mail forwards about words with jumbled letters yet you can still understand them.
Becca: I doubt he can get into too much trouble, no matter how much liquor is involved.
Rob: You underestimate the power of Tim. One can never truly estimate his capacity for ingenuity and stupidity.

Rob: It's the Lazynberg Uncertainty Principle. You won't know until you actually try to do something. You cannot be simultaneously lazy and non-lazy.
Becca: I can too. I'm the kitty in the box.
Rob: Then what is the litter a metaphor for?
Becca: Not that box.

Becca: Getting pissy is the prerogative of a girlfriend - I thought you would have learned this by now. long break in the conversation Obviously this information has rendered you typeless. I'm sorry to have to be the one to break it to you.

Becca: Do you think it would be wrong to have Newcastle with breakfast tomorrow?
Rob: Depends, if you pour it in your cereal, I think that's acceptable.

Rob: Number of ideas shot down by Becca: 458,346,789.364
Number of ideas not shot down by Becca: 4.
Becca: I missed 4?

Three in a row...

Becca:Sorry - two nights in a row is all I'm good for

---

Becca:I wouldn't want to keep you from yourself
Rob:It's just me, without a shirt on and using a measuring tape
Rob:What's the big deal?

Late night confessions

Cleaned up from an IM conversation.

Rob: This is bad. I'm like you and now I hate myself.
Becca: So you think I hate myself, or you hate me?
Rob: I hate me for being like you.
Becca: And therefore you hate anyone like me, me included.
Rob: Nah. You being you is fine. It's me being you that I hate.

FOIL

Rob:My brain hears the word foil and works through the following checklist: Literary term, algebra, and lastly, kitchen-ware.
Becca:yep
Becca:same with me
Becca:i have to think that's abnormal

Order of the Stick

Patrick: Don't attempt my stick!

DEWM Party

Finally found them.

Brian: I've never been romantically attracted to a guy, but I consider myself bi-approachable.

Brian: My body by itself is very smooth.

Lauren: Tim, we have to stick together at the wedding.
Tim: What wedding?

Chris: Tim want tequila. Give him apple juice.
Jessica: We don't have any.
Chris: I'll go make some.
Becca: As long as it burns on the way down.

Law & Order: Bakersfield

Jessica: Would you ever hire anyone to rape and kill me?
Chris: You know how I feel about outsourcing.

World Cup 2010

R: Can you drink all day?
J: Yes. basically you just watch football matches and drink all day.
R: I could go for that. How is it different from reading romance novels and drinking all day? [pause] No sex?
J:Well, there's a lot of guys, I think we can work that in.

Please don't go there

Why am I the only one posting anything here? Hop to it, friends.

Professor: If economics were American Idol, Cantillon would be Ruben Studdard, and Adam Smith would be the red-haired kid, Clay Aiken, because Cantillon said it first, just like Ruben won, but Smith is who everybody remembers, like Aiken.

The truth comes out

Jessica: Stupid ring! pause Not that I don't like it.

At least something came out of the Dark Ages

Taking after Rachel, I think I'll post funny quotes from my readings.

"Obsessive anxiety, it seems, was the gross national product of the Middle Ages."

Uncle Milty

Professor (describing a visit with another professor): And then his four year old daughter came in, and in the idea of "dance monkey dance" he asked her, 'What does Uncle Milty say?' The daughter stood stock still and replied, 'Inflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon. G'night daddy!' and gave him a kiss.

I want a four year old to brainwash (just not my own),