Quizzing the night away

Jayne: You guys could order a pizza.
Carly: excitedly We have a coupon!

Becca: As much as I would love to hear more about Jessica's exploits in the bathroom...

Natalie Martin: Why would I be a flotation device?
Becca: Because you're supportive and crap.
Carly: And buoyant!

Chris: to Becca You are such uniqueness.

On y va

Shaun (my cousin): "Nine!" (yelling my other cousin's position in the race. A car crashes.) "Eight!"

Leah (my cousin's 2 year old): What's that on your ring?
Me: A claddah.
Leah: It's upside down.
Me: That's because I don't have a boyfriend right now.
Shannon (my cousin): Do you think Rachel will find a boyfriend in London?
Leah: No.

Me: when are you going to visit me?
My uncle: I think I'll go over for the wedding.

Red, White, and Booze

Chris: What's my prize?
Robert: I'll give you a cookie. There's some inside.
Jessica: Did you say "cookie" or "quickie?"

Becca: referring to Chris So you just never listen to him.
Jessica: That's why out relationship has lasted so long.

Chris: It's a metric clock!

Jessica: I have germs. Cooties. I don't know.

Who else can we offend?

Jessica: Are you comparing our Lord and Saviour to Smokey the Bear?
Chris: Only in crack visions.

Maya Angelou: Element 56 on the Periodical Table

Rachel: Ether? Isn't that an element on the periodical table?
(Later)
Jessica: Is that where they keep the magazines?
Chris: I think my dentist's office has a periodical table.

(At Fishlips)
Band Member: We're going to do some real poetry here tonight.
Random Heckler: Read some Maya Angelou you motherfucker!

On the topic of women

Becca: It's because we're smarter.
Chris: No, we're just stupid.

Another day in L.A.

Chris: If anything is wrong when I'm around, it's Becca's fault.

Chris: *pointing to elderly dancing couple* Aww! That's going to be us when we're seventy!
Jess: Except we won't be Asian.

Waitress at Fred 62s: Did y'alls balls come and go?

"Join the Army, get typhus"

Rachel: *reading from thesis* Khaki fever...
Amanda: I had that in High School!

Parental Guidance Recommended

From The Grapes of Wrath

Chris: It's fun making fun of old people....
Becca: And old movies.
Chris: It's funny because they're dead now.

Chris: Are they taking bets to see who dies next?
Becca: It's like The Oregon Trail (the computer game).

From Schindler's List

Chris: Seeing how they turning everything into musicals these days, they should make Schindler's List: The Musical. Part Fiddler on the Roof, part.... I don't know, Singing in the Rain or something.
Becca: The Sound of Music.
Chris: Yeah!

Chris: Email! (In the name of Oskar's factory).
Becca: Al Gore and Oskar Schindler worked hand in hand.

Chris: I can imagine the casting call. "We need anorexic women...
Becca: Who don't mind being naked and getting pushed around. Where can we go?"
Chris: That's every girl in Hollywood.

Chris: Note to self: If you're going to save thousands of lives...
Becca: Make sure the paperwork is in order.

Chris: I told Jessica we were watching this, and she said we're going to hell.
(I'm not going to put my response to this).

Becca: Yeah, there's going to be a special circle just for us.

This is why I watch the Bachelor (for the champagne)

Natalie (after a few glasses of champagne): I feel a little dizzy. *burps loudly* Okay, all better.

Gay or European?

Chris: You know what I used as my final argument for why men are better than women?
Jessica: What?
Chris: Cary Grant.
Jessica: He was gay!
Chris: No he wasn't, he was just British!

*In my defense, I know Cary Grant was not gay, and I never thought he was (not that there is anything wrong with that). I was just trying to annoy Chris.*

Most unusual bar talk winner

By the end of the night, they were lovin' us, those Hungarian Nazis were....

That rakija is pretty bad stuff. I almost ran over a homeless guy... in a tank!

Video Gaming

A friend: So being a woman in the gaming world sucks. Unless you're a skank.

Wednesday One-Liners

I am reposting this from "Overheard in New York" because it is frightening. And hilarious.

Man on cell: Yeah, but then once you graduate from college it's called alcoholism.

--West Village

Ah, how true it is.

Under the influence

Becca: Half of my family doesn't get me. That's the pot-smoking half.
Chris: Really? I thought the pot-smoking half would get you...

Why would you want to what, Tim?

Sorry to put these up so late. They were buried at the bottom of my suitcase. :)

Becca: My life is stupid, my card is American Express.

Jessica: (to Chris) Girlfriend! You have to pick my card!
Robert: Jessica, (points to himself) boyfriend!

Tim (?): Yeah, Chris has a sexy tractor.

Rachel: Cornflakes! They were invented to prevent masturbation.
Tim: (horrified) Why would you want to...?

The Asian Persuasion

Rachel: Who does good on standardized testing? If you do, you must be Asian! ....Or half Asian.
-later-

Rachel: Thank God I'm not stupid!

(While watching the Food Network)
Jessica: I've never seen so many Asian men cry.

A little something from New York

Galen: By the way--I've had a beer and a half and I feel drink.

There were more quotes, but I was never very good at remembering them.

Scategories

Chris: C'mon ride the train.
Jessica and Becca (while doing the train motion): Choo Choo.

Chris: You know, like when you call CalTranz and they have those sayings that rhyme? "Stay alive, don't imbibe." Or I guess it could be "Stay alive don't drink and drive."

Becca: Nobody picked Bronco!
Chris: Except OJ Simpson.

Jessica: Aw, you tole her thunder.

Tim: Wow, I fail at this game. I did F for the first one, then C for the rest.

Jessica: Farm equipment.
Chris: Field goals.
Becca: Fire escape.
Tim: Chimney vent.

Major holidays and quotes are like PB and J

Jessica: You have too many walls. So it's easy to make fun of you. You take down the wall, you have -
Rachel: Adventures? Like Berlin.
Jessica: No, not adventures. Less awkwardness.

Jessica: I think we'll need more alcohol.
Becca: There's not enough alcohol in the world.
Chris: For what?
Rachel: For Becca to take her clothes off.

Jessica: (to Chris) You know you're still wearing the tiara?
Chris: Yes, but Carly's still wearing the wig.
Jessica: So what!

Carly: I dub thee.... sir Becca.

Jessica: It's amazing how much darker the sunglasses make everything.

Rachel: Why are you so attached to the sword? I feel like it's a symbol of something.
Becca: Because it's pointy.

Becca: I'm thinking.
Rachel: You always think!

Matt: How do you have three cards in your hand?
Carly: And I still lost! What the hell!

Becca: Wasn't there some disease that turned you tongue black?
Rachel: The Plague?

Jessica: Wait did anybody die? Okay, we can laugh about it. We're not going to hell... at least not for that.

Some of them I couldn't read, or weren't funny, so if you really want them up, you'll have to do it yourself.