"Join the Army, get typhus"

Rachel: *reading from thesis* Khaki fever...
Amanda: I had that in High School!

Parental Guidance Recommended

From The Grapes of Wrath

Chris: It's fun making fun of old people....
Becca: And old movies.
Chris: It's funny because they're dead now.

Chris: Are they taking bets to see who dies next?
Becca: It's like The Oregon Trail (the computer game).

From Schindler's List

Chris: Seeing how they turning everything into musicals these days, they should make Schindler's List: The Musical. Part Fiddler on the Roof, part.... I don't know, Singing in the Rain or something.
Becca: The Sound of Music.
Chris: Yeah!

Chris: Email! (In the name of Oskar's factory).
Becca: Al Gore and Oskar Schindler worked hand in hand.

Chris: I can imagine the casting call. "We need anorexic women...
Becca: Who don't mind being naked and getting pushed around. Where can we go?"
Chris: That's every girl in Hollywood.

Chris: Note to self: If you're going to save thousands of lives...
Becca: Make sure the paperwork is in order.

Chris: I told Jessica we were watching this, and she said we're going to hell.
(I'm not going to put my response to this).

Becca: Yeah, there's going to be a special circle just for us.

This is why I watch the Bachelor (for the champagne)

Natalie (after a few glasses of champagne): I feel a little dizzy. *burps loudly* Okay, all better.

Gay or European?

Chris: You know what I used as my final argument for why men are better than women?
Jessica: What?
Chris: Cary Grant.
Jessica: He was gay!
Chris: No he wasn't, he was just British!

*In my defense, I know Cary Grant was not gay, and I never thought he was (not that there is anything wrong with that). I was just trying to annoy Chris.*

Most unusual bar talk winner

By the end of the night, they were lovin' us, those Hungarian Nazis were....

That rakija is pretty bad stuff. I almost ran over a homeless guy... in a tank!

Video Gaming

A friend: So being a woman in the gaming world sucks. Unless you're a skank.

Wednesday One-Liners

I am reposting this from "Overheard in New York" because it is frightening. And hilarious.

Man on cell: Yeah, but then once you graduate from college it's called alcoholism.

--West Village

Ah, how true it is.

Under the influence

Becca: Half of my family doesn't get me. That's the pot-smoking half.
Chris: Really? I thought the pot-smoking half would get you...

Why would you want to what, Tim?

Sorry to put these up so late. They were buried at the bottom of my suitcase. :)

Becca: My life is stupid, my card is American Express.

Jessica: (to Chris) Girlfriend! You have to pick my card!
Robert: Jessica, (points to himself) boyfriend!

Tim (?): Yeah, Chris has a sexy tractor.

Rachel: Cornflakes! They were invented to prevent masturbation.
Tim: (horrified) Why would you want to...?

The Asian Persuasion

Rachel: Who does good on standardized testing? If you do, you must be Asian! ....Or half Asian.
-later-

Rachel: Thank God I'm not stupid!

(While watching the Food Network)
Jessica: I've never seen so many Asian men cry.

A little something from New York

Galen: By the way--I've had a beer and a half and I feel drink.

There were more quotes, but I was never very good at remembering them.

Scategories

Chris: C'mon ride the train.
Jessica and Becca (while doing the train motion): Choo Choo.

Chris: You know, like when you call CalTranz and they have those sayings that rhyme? "Stay alive, don't imbibe." Or I guess it could be "Stay alive don't drink and drive."

Becca: Nobody picked Bronco!
Chris: Except OJ Simpson.

Jessica: Aw, you tole her thunder.

Tim: Wow, I fail at this game. I did F for the first one, then C for the rest.

Jessica: Farm equipment.
Chris: Field goals.
Becca: Fire escape.
Tim: Chimney vent.

Major holidays and quotes are like PB and J

Jessica: You have too many walls. So it's easy to make fun of you. You take down the wall, you have -
Rachel: Adventures? Like Berlin.
Jessica: No, not adventures. Less awkwardness.

Jessica: I think we'll need more alcohol.
Becca: There's not enough alcohol in the world.
Chris: For what?
Rachel: For Becca to take her clothes off.

Jessica: (to Chris) You know you're still wearing the tiara?
Chris: Yes, but Carly's still wearing the wig.
Jessica: So what!

Carly: I dub thee.... sir Becca.

Jessica: It's amazing how much darker the sunglasses make everything.

Rachel: Why are you so attached to the sword? I feel like it's a symbol of something.
Becca: Because it's pointy.

Becca: I'm thinking.
Rachel: You always think!

Matt: How do you have three cards in your hand?
Carly: And I still lost! What the hell!

Becca: Wasn't there some disease that turned you tongue black?
Rachel: The Plague?

Jessica: Wait did anybody die? Okay, we can laugh about it. We're not going to hell... at least not for that.

Some of them I couldn't read, or weren't funny, so if you really want them up, you'll have to do it yourself.

Congrats Natalie!

Carly: It's like having a disco ball on your mouth!

Rachel: We should get champagne!
Chris: We could get single malt scotch. It's like the champagne of scotch.

That annoying song Doncha Wish Your Girlfriend... comes on the sound system
Rachel/Natalie: Hey Becca, it's that song you hate!
Becca: No it's not! [chorus starts] Oh crap.

Rachel: I'm moving to the city that has the most per capita pubs... per capita.

Was it good for you, Becca?

Jess: We're going to take Becca's virginity tonight!
Chris looks horrified
Jess: And by that I mean beer can virginity, of course.
Chris: There are so many things wrong with what you just said...

Seriously?

Rachel: Asher? As in Prancer and Vixen.... You know, "Asher and Prancer and Dancer..."


Robert: Even I look like a hooker wearing a skirt and boots.

When Burzlaffs go WILD!

These quotes are from last Saturday night when Chris and I hung out with his two cousins and their respective significant others. Three Burzlaffs (well, one Burzlaff and two others with Burzlaff blood) in one place equals a LOT of quotes, as you would imagine.

Greg: I totally rock the scrawn!

Chris: Oooh! I want an orange-muffed choir!

Mark: I want a shag-covered toilet seat. Oh wait...

Jen (Greg's wife): Honey, want to try my sweet pine nuts?
Greg: Wow, your nuts are sweet!

Paulette: Here Jessica, finish my drink.
Jessica: Can I have your cherry?
Paulette: Sure!
*five minutes later*
Paulette (to Mark): Look! I finished my drink. Hey! Where's my cherry?

Good times.

What constitutes a first kiss?

Chris: So you were 13 and your bowels got stirred?

Wise Insights

Chris: "That's known as skipping first base and going straight to the pitcher's mound."

Chris: "Which school is this?"
Rachel: "Birkbeck"
Chris: "Brokeback? Well, at least you won't have a problem with quitting."

Rusty's pizza parlour

Becca: Whenever I hear "Magna Carta" I think "tabula rasa"... maybe because Locke was British and he was about the same time... or a lot later.

Rachel: We could be sisters.
B: No we couldn't.
R: Why not?
B: Because we didn't grow up together.
R: But that's only half of it.
B: Whats the other half?
R: Blood.

R: I don't want [you to wear] something other than jeans I want something other than a soccer sweatshirt.
B: It's not a... It's a snowboarding sweatshirt.

B: You could teach him history.
R: Of what?
B: War. He's in a war.
R: More like a current event.
B; He's in a current event?