ring in the new

Rachel: I hope it's good, I picked it out.
Jessica: Which one is it, Ravenclaw?
Rachel:... Ravenwood.

Tim: So if the parachute doesn't open, that's emotional, right?

Rachel: She got a boyfriend.
Tim: Him [Patrick]?

Becca: Caress it like a lover.

Becca: Tim's used to being single.

Becca: Did you shoot your... cooch?

Jess: People don't give penises clothes (12:30 am)

Jess: I think I shot baby Jesus.

Jess: I can't help that I'm naturally sexy.

Chris (?): And there's only one stop light between beer and my house.

Ubermench

Becca: What about Lois Lane?
Jessica: He's just screwing her.

Tim: When water comes out of the holes in your face.

While playing taboo:
Jess: A woman might do this to her husband...
Becca and Rachel in unison: Beat him!

The vessel with the pestle

Rachel: on how to get out of work Tell them you have something really contagious.... like anthrax.

Rachel: I need to go to Russia.
Becca: Russia?
Rachel: Yes, it's so big and waiting to be conquered.

Rachel: on sisters You wouldn't have minded if you had one like you.
Becca: Yeah, but I would if I had one..... pause like you.

Rachel: Yeah, well they say it's hereditary.
Becca: Pregnancy?

The Rules of the Game

Rachel: Are they allowed to hang onto each other like that?
Becca: He's not holding onto him, he's just...
Rachel: Feeling him up?
Becca: Yeah, that's it.

*Discussing breaking into cemeteries*
Rachel: It would be easy if it weren't for all the policemen around
Becca: Buffy never seems to have any problems
Rachel: Well, she's a fucking vampire slayer, that's her job.

A seven year old boy outside Tesco's: It's raining men! Hallelujah... It's raining men...
*Pause*
Becca and Rachel: *die laughing*

And this was BEFORE the snake bites...

Becca: I saw King Arthur!
Seb: Really? Where? Cause we've been looking for him for centuries!

Seb: I don't really consider myelf a Brit. I'm half-Irish, half-Polish.
Becca: Strangely enough, that makes you American.

Rachel: I don't care what happens after I die. Except I hope my sister doesn't read my journal...

London = Beijing

Becca: on seeing Trafalgar Square It's like Tianamen Square, only with white people.

Ellen: She was from like the Community College of East Wisconsin.

Trick-or-Treat

Partick (to skeleton kid): You've got to put your mask on.
Skeleton kid: Okay, okay... Prepare to be screamified!!
(struggles with skeleton mask)
Patrick: You want me to hold your candy?
(holds kid's candy)
Skeleton kid: Arrrr!!! Grrrrrr!!! Arrr!!! (screaming)
(Skeleton kid waves goodbye while backing away and still screaming)

Why not?

Rebecca: i'm not going to get drunk just so i can have a necklace

More Quotes from Taboo

Becca : Hey, if you can’t make fun of Jesus, who can you make fun of?

Carly : This is on the upper part of the thing that your nose is on.
Chris: Eyes. Brow. (Pause) Eyebrow!

Carly: We all live on a yellow…fuck me!

Carly: This is a dent on your visage... It’s adorable damnit! It was dimple, by the way...

Omniquotes

Tim: Give her the water with the poison in it....
*Jessica and Lauren glare at Tim*
Tim: Not the deadly poison!


Rob: It looks like dirt.
Tim: It looks like nature.


Chris: Booze has raped my memory.


Becca: Did you just call me simple?
Jess: Cynical!


Jess: If it's not a violent crime, I'm just not interested.


During fantasy football draft
Becca: Let's play Final Fantasy soccer!

Gaming... not the nerdy kind

While playing Taboo...
Becca: I did this at summer camp for a few summers...
Chris: Slept around?
Becca: It was my job!


Chris: Blank me Elmo!
Matt: Tickle was, like, the fourth or fifth thing I thought of...


While discussing Taboo...
Matt: Now, what exactly are the properties of the Magic Asshole?
Becca: It's impenetrable from attack!
Chris: Attack from where?
Matt: Behind!

More to come...

International quote round up

Australian girl: You're from a place called Bakersfield? could you be any more small town America?

Dutch guy: You can get a good bottle of wine from the new world for half what European wine costs. So I think colonialism was a good thing.

Polish girl: I'm Polish; I don't have blood, I have beer. That's why we're so pale.

Forgotten

Becca: Lord of the Rings is like Zinfandel. pause What? It is!

Quizzing the night away

Jayne: You guys could order a pizza.
Carly: excitedly We have a coupon!

Becca: As much as I would love to hear more about Jessica's exploits in the bathroom...

Natalie Martin: Why would I be a flotation device?
Becca: Because you're supportive and crap.
Carly: And buoyant!

Chris: to Becca You are such uniqueness.

On y va

Shaun (my cousin): "Nine!" (yelling my other cousin's position in the race. A car crashes.) "Eight!"

Leah (my cousin's 2 year old): What's that on your ring?
Me: A claddah.
Leah: It's upside down.
Me: That's because I don't have a boyfriend right now.
Shannon (my cousin): Do you think Rachel will find a boyfriend in London?
Leah: No.

Me: when are you going to visit me?
My uncle: I think I'll go over for the wedding.

Red, White, and Booze

Chris: What's my prize?
Robert: I'll give you a cookie. There's some inside.
Jessica: Did you say "cookie" or "quickie?"

Becca: referring to Chris So you just never listen to him.
Jessica: That's why out relationship has lasted so long.

Chris: It's a metric clock!

Jessica: I have germs. Cooties. I don't know.

Who else can we offend?

Jessica: Are you comparing our Lord and Saviour to Smokey the Bear?
Chris: Only in crack visions.

Maya Angelou: Element 56 on the Periodical Table

Rachel: Ether? Isn't that an element on the periodical table?
(Later)
Jessica: Is that where they keep the magazines?
Chris: I think my dentist's office has a periodical table.

(At Fishlips)
Band Member: We're going to do some real poetry here tonight.
Random Heckler: Read some Maya Angelou you motherfucker!

On the topic of women

Becca: It's because we're smarter.
Chris: No, we're just stupid.

Another day in L.A.

Chris: If anything is wrong when I'm around, it's Becca's fault.

Chris: *pointing to elderly dancing couple* Aww! That's going to be us when we're seventy!
Jess: Except we won't be Asian.

Waitress at Fred 62s: Did y'alls balls come and go?