Band Nerd

Blake, while watcing "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown:" Now that is good use of an alto sax.

Gotta love the LA news

Announcer: And then, a prank turns deadly when a shopping cart falls on a woman. More at 11.

What?????

TMI

All: You have to streak in your underwear.
Tim: But I'm wearing my thong.

Forgot one

Rachel: We were discussing our love lives.
Becca: You have a love life?

Announcement.

Rachel: My aunt made the craziest rum cake. When I drank it-
Becca, Jessica, and Chris: When you drank it?

Tim: I had a red headed slut and a blow job for my birthday.

Becca: Tim's the red headed slut.

Tim: I hate this game - I always lose or win or whatever.

Rachel: Or we could play lemon Stockholm 57.

Tim: Announcement: I am drunk.

Jessica: I write'm going that. Wait. I'm going to write that down.

Tim: If you're living vicariously through me, is your face numb?

Becca: When did this happen?
Jessica: Eventually.

Rob: We were trying to flash one another (about Chris).

Tim: (while streaking in his underwear) You only turn 21 once! I'm a golden god!

Tim: to Rachel You are too old. How old are you?

Tim: Shut up! That's not sweet.

Tim: Can you feel your face?

Relationship status

Chris: It's a tax break... like a charity!

Rachel: So I guess TV shows are more important than me.
Chris: Yeah pretty much.... oooh football!

Sentiments

Becca: I'm not completely devoid of romantic... something.

Drinking + Phone Calls = Bad Interpretation

Chris: I need some dealies for my horse.
Jess: You need dealies for your whores?
Chris: *exasperated* Yes. My whores need dealies. *whispering* They're called thongs!

Becca refused to post this one

Rob: I cheated on myself.
Amanda: With your left hand?
Becca: UNECESSARY!

Because your boyfriend's cheating on you

Mary: I like to just pop them out and see what they got.

Rachel: Wasn't he in the RSPC? (meaning ROTC).

Amanda: (to Rachel) That's because you're a dirty, dirty whore.

Crack is wack!

*Driving up to San Francisco*
Jessica: So, to you I am like crackers and an outlet?
Chris: Yes! You're my "cracklet!"
Jessica: That makes me sound like a crack whore!
Chris: *thinks a moment* No, it makes you sound like a small, cute firecracker.
Jessica: Great.

Taking about Becca

Me: "but then everyone will think she's easy--"
Chris (without hesitation) "She is."

Remember, remember...

This is probably incorrect, so fix it.

Rachel: I'm trying to remember the quote now, what was it?
Chris: I don't remember it.
Rachel: Something led up to it, but it ended with, 'She's easy.'
Everybody laughs
Becca: Wait, who's easy?
Pause
Rachel, Chris, and Jessica: You are.
Becca: What!

some funnies from Europe

Discussing our various countries' nuclear outlooks.
Jean-Louis: I wish we had the bomb. Man, why did Switzerland have to give up on the bomb?
Daniel: but you don't have anywhere to test it.
Jean-Louis: Yes we do! France!

Dicussing our travel plans.
Daniel: I just have to be in Munich by the end of September.
Me: Oh, is that where your flight is from?
Daniel: No, it's where Oktoberfest is.

Bad combination

Jessica is trying to write her name with vodka on the cement in order to light it on fire.

Somebody: It works better if you take the cap off.

Now for the paddling of the swollen ass!

Heard as walking out of Lindy Groove (which is held at the Masonic Temple in Pasadena):

Random guy: Yeah, I've known a few stone masons in my life. They were all whores.*

* He might not have said whores. He could have said they are all "bores," or they all like "stores." But, I definitely heard "whores" and it is much funnier to me. :)

Sealed for Freshness

Heidi: "Those babies just start popping out. Pop! Pop! Pop! They're just like pringles: once you pop you just can't stop."

Randomness from Calaveras St.

Jess: Whatever happened to the super hunks?
Nat: What DID happen to the superhunks?

Nat (referring to her boss): She has a lot of friends. Just none that can stick their penis in her.

Blake's hairdresser to Blake: You have very delicate ears.

Sarah (Blake's sister): Food keeps getting stuck in my hole.
* for the record, she was referring to her mouth. Get you minds out of the gutter! *

Did I Just Hear That?

From my office I hear the bathroom door open, followed by:

Guy #1: Don't forget to shake the mouse.
Guy #2: Yah, I'm doing that right now.

It took me a second to realize that the second guy wasn't in the bathroom but in the office across the hall.

Ahoy hoy!

Blake: I am going to make up a quote just to make it on the quote page. Um.... quotes... ahoy! There! Put it on there!!!