YOU HAVE CENTER STAGE?

Nat and I, sitting in her room drinking copious amounts of wine while our friend Galen is on the phone with his mom. We are bored and trying to entertain ourselves.

Jess: I'm going to do a jig! *does a jig in front of Galen*
Galen: *laughing* sorry Mom, Jess just did a jig in front of me. *he keeps talking to his Mom*
Nat: You should flash him!
Jess: OK! *flashes Galen*
Galen: *laughing* Sorry Mom, Jess just flashed me. *thanks Galen*
Nat: I'm a horrible friend!
Jess: It's okay, I wouldn't have flashed him if I hadn't been wearing a sports bra.
Nat: Um, that's not what I meant. There's something on your back. *I reach around and pull a KICK ME sign off my back. Thanks Nat.*


Galen: Like Jess said, it's very well written, but...
Nat: She didn't say that.
Jess: I DIDN'T SAY THAT!

Galen: I'm embarrassed for you every time I see that you own Center Stage.
Jess: *very excited* YOU OWN CENTER STAGE??!!!

I think Nat and I have a drinking problem.

I'm not fat!

Chris: It's because you're fat.
Becca: I'm not fat! I'm girthy.
Chris: Oh yeah, you're girthy. And rotund.

I forgot about this one

Denise: I would pigeon that tattoo.

Stewards and Stewardesses

I had one quirky airline stewardess during my trip to Chicago. One of her more memorable quotes was:
"Please remember that this is a non-smoking flight. If you wish to smoke you may step out onto the wing where we'll be showing our in-flight movie of 'Gone With The Wind.'"

After telling my father this, he regaled me with one he's heard on planes:
"Be careful when opening your overhead bins because 'shift' happens."

DAdaism

Carol: I don't think there is anyone in my family I want to marry.

The title is just to provoke Becca into another correction, I'm sure. I actually took a class on Dadaism, but it was in French so I'm sure I misunderstood the whole point of it.

Why am I the only one posting? (besides Jess)

Existensialism

Jose: But what is a table?
Dr O: Well, I know this is a table because when I set my mug down [she demostrates] it doesn't fall. Sometimes I do that with wine [she mimes setting her mug down on the air besides the table]. Ok, I'm drunk. I could have sworn there was a table there.

Thesis Week Quotes (take with a grain of salt)

Jessica: If you don't stop popping your shoulder, I am going to start talking about serial killers again!
Nat: That's a threat if I've ever heard one.

Nat: You were on a serial killer's message board?
Jessica: Yes... we all make poor choices.

Jessica/Galen: That's the shit cover cherry on the crap sundae that is my week.

These are probably only funny to us because we are operating on very little sleep...

I can hear you

PH: *walks into the classroom & looks at me* Where did you get a can of diet coke? I spent forever looking for a can of diet coke.

Me: Huh? What's in Canada?

PH: Didn't you have a can of diet coke in my office earlier?

In my defense, I heard "Why don't you go to Canada; I spent forever looking around in Canada," and I thought it was a continuation of our earlier grad school conversation.

Vera explains it all

"With all this youthful freshness, and needing more experience of life, and so on, I must be suffering from arrested development," I thought ruefully to myself.

Mein Führer!

Rachel: Germany does it for everyone.

So that's where the potatoes went

Becca: American history is so boring. No representation without taxation. I mean...

"What happens in New Amsterdam stays in New Amsterdam."

So said the Dutch colonial expert who guest spoke in class today.

Also, Dr O.: "Excuse me, but that's bullshit," on not using "I" in history papers. She compared it to women shaving armpits instead of men. I wish my classes were 100% this amusing.

Bonus Quote: "His parents were both librarians. It's like being raised by wolves, only scarier." Chaz. (I don't think I got the wording on that one quite right.

Grand Prix quotes

Cowboy Hat guy: I'm a pretty, pretty princess! *yelling at the top of his lungs at 3am*

Nat and Jess *multiple times*: That's going on the quote page!
Other people: What?
Nat and Jess: Nothing...

Jess: Burgers overboard!

Desperation

Tim (sending me a text message from Cana-Duh): I didn't get carded. :)

Rachel got schooled

R: It's like having friends without the benefits
B: You can keep your benefits.

Or something like that. I can't remember the exact wording, but ouch.

Beyond the Sea

Cruise quotes (the ones I can remember anyway):

Nat: *walking up to a bar full of strangers* Who's buying me a drink? *three guys offered*

Jess: NO! NO!

Nat and I met two rather creepy fellows who attempted to chat us up in the bar the last night.

Creepy Guy 1: So, what do you guys do?
Nat: We're writers for a magazine.
Creepy Guy 2: Oh, which magazine?
Jess: US Weekly.
Creepy Guy 1: Who was the coolest celebrity you've ever met?
Nat: well, I don't know about "coolest," but Celine Dion was the most interesting. She was "conserving her voice" and would tap out the answers to my questions on the table. "So, Celine, how are you enjoying your Vegas show?" *tap tap tappity tap* Then her handler would translate. "She likes it very much."

The previous conversation was greatly, greatly condensed, but it gives you an idea. :)

Sushi & sport

R: Where's my sockie?
B: You drank that already.